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THE GIFT OF A HEART:
THE GIFT OF A HEART: A SCOTTISH STORY. [ATL RIGHTS RESERVED.J CHAPTER XIV. THE UNFORTUNATE MAN'S ACCOUNT OF HIMSELF. T HM story related by Mr. Rule's "unfortunate" acquaintance, Collins, was told nearly in the follow- ing words I was born in London, on-well, it's of no conse- ,qxwm. Ill say when George III. reigned in the land, and then I'm sure I'm right. My father began life under great disadvantages, but he was pushing and presevering, and worked himself into the posses- sion of considerable wealth. I have heard him say that when he came to London, a boy in his four- teenth year, he had less than twenty shillings in his pocket; and when he died he was worth a good many thousands. You see, sir, some men are lucky and some men are unlucky, and my father was one of the formet sort. It seems to me that he must have had a double share of good fortune—that is to say, not only his own, but his son's also. However, I'll say this of him, that if he was lucky he deserved to be, for he was a steady, hard-working man all his life. When he was in his twenty-eighth year he married my mother, whom I can't say I mind much about. I was their first and only son, and my mother never rightly recovered the event of my birth. She lingered on, however, until I had reached my fourth year, but she was always ailing. I remember one day father taking me on his knee, and telling me mother was dead, and that I should never see her again in this world but I was too young to know the loss I had sustained." "Shortly after this I was first sent to school. Nothing particular occurred in my history till I reached my twelfth year about which time my Aunt Juliet, who bad kept house for my father since my mother died, got married, and my father engaged another housekeeper, Mrs. Stratford by name. She was a widow, about the middle age; a cunning, scheming woman, unprepossessing in appearance as she was in her character. The servants bated her, and I didn't wonder at it. They used to say in my hearing that she wanted to 'get round" father and marry him; and the result showed that they were correct in their surmises. I remember one day, when she bad taken me to task, that, to aggravate her, I told her I believed she wanted to get into father's favour and become his wife. After that she hated me intensely, and tried to make me as uncomfortable as possible. My father wished me to make choice of some of the learned professions. For my part I was quite indifferent as to what I did, but to please him I signified my preference for medicine. It was ac- cordingly resolved to send me to college to study for that profession. I was anxious to get as far away from home as possible, and Edinburgh being cele- brated for its medical school, I used that argument with my father to induce him to allow me to go to the Scottish capital and study there. He acceded to I my wishes, and so, in my eighteenth year, I came to Edinburgh. 44 Away from the restraints of home, and with abundance of cash at my command, it was not long before I gave the loose rein to my appetites. I sometimes think it might have been better for me if my father hadn't given me such a liberal allowance, for I made but a bad use of it. I took fashionable aikLexpensive lodgings, and formed a number of ac- quaintanceships which did not conduce much to my improvement. I hadn't been very long in Edinburgh when I got notice that my father had married old Mrs. Stratford. Of course, I was thoroughly disgusted <»?ifrb his conduct; and the more so, you may be sure, oeoause the chances were that I should not fare so well now. Knowing the feeling the cunning old woman cherished towards myself, I had no doubt that she would use all her power to influence my father against me. Although these were the thoughts of my heart, I -saw that it would be policy to keep on as good terms as possible with both parties; so I wrote my father a letter, congratulating him on the event, and wisbing him much happiness in his new relationship. At the same time, judging it to be a favourable opportunity, I informed him in a most respectful manner, that the allowance he made me, liberal as it was, was scarcely adequate to meet my expenses. I dwelt upon the cost of living in such a town as Edinburgh, the large outlay in expensive books, the necessity of appearing like other people, if you wished to be resptct.ed and so on. The effect of my appeal was that he at once made a very handsome addition to my allowance. 44 I did not return to London for fully three years. I had no particular wish to do so; and my father, knowing that probably, never pressed me. I bad been living all this time a very fast life, and, not- withstanding the old man's liberality, I was getting into debt and difficulties. I was making scarcely any progress with my studies. I had got into an un- settled sort of way, and could not apply myself with any energy to them. It was true, I attended my classes tolerably well, but that was all that could be said. The only circumstance upon which I can look baok with any degree of satisfaction at this period of my life was my love for Lucy Ashbourne, the youngest daughter of a deceased writer to the signet, who lived with her widowed mother in the city. Lucy was a charming girl in mind, manner, and ■person, and I loved her to adoration. I sometimes think sbe also loved me; perhaps it was only her gentle kind way that made me think so. She did not know how unworthy I was of her love. I had never .gone tbo length of making her a declaration, for we were bc th young, and I had no immediate prospects of being in a position to marry; but I believe my love for that good girl was the means of re- straining me from rushing into many follies. But poor Lucy died in her nineteenth year. I sometimes go to look at her grave down in the old Canongate churchyard. "I have told you that it was fully three years before I returned to London. I then received a letter from home informing me that my father had met with a serious accident. He had been out driving in a gig, not far from his own house, when something startled the horse, and it ran off; the wheel of the gig coming into collision with the lamp-post, my father wafc pitched out, falling upon his head. He was taken up insensible, and removed home. There -were only some slight external bruises, and it was supposed that after a few days' rest and quiet he would be all right again. Well, he got better, but although his bodily health was in great measure rCBtorerlr his mind was a complete wreck. He was perfectly imbecile, and had no recollection whatever of his former life." That was a distressing state for a ison to e-o his father in; but, thank Heaven! it did not lavt long. In less than six months from the time of the accident he was released by death. 44 My father, on his second marriage, bad prepared a will. Its terms were, that in the event of his wife having no issue-and she bad not-she was to re- ceive the sum of X8000 at his death. There were a number of small legacies to other relations, and the whole of his remaining fortune was to fall to my share, a8 residuary legatee. "I was highly delighted with my position, for I found that, after all the claims upon my father's estate bad been satisfied, I was worth between fifteen and sixteen thousand pounds. I thought I had now obtained all that was necessary to make me happy, and I immediately began to lay plans for enjoying myself. 44I resolved, in the first place, to spend a few months in London, and, after that, to start on a Con- tinental tour. To tell you, Mr. Ruls, how I spent my time during these few months in London would only be to tell you the proceedings of a foolish young man, Who drank, sported, gambled, and spent money in every conceivable way. The end of it was, I was laid upon a sick bed, the victim of my own excesses. I had a miserable time of it, as I lay and thought of the events of my past life. I would have wished my- self dead, but that I believed there was a tribunal beyond death, before which I should have to stand I recovered slowly; and when I began to look how my affairs stood, I found I had made a very large hole in my fortune—that, In fact, I had made away with the larger half of it, in little more than twelve months. I began to think seriously now how to pre- 8erve the remainder; and all ideas of a foreign tour were abandoned. Now I began to regret that I had not made a totter use of my time in Edinburgh. Had I been even ordinarily diligent-for I did not want abilities—I might have been in a position to earn a good income tiy following out my profession, I hadn't much in- clination for going into business; and, besides, what 184 I know of business of any kind ? "So I resolved to wait patiently until I saw what might turn up, in the shape of some profitable specu- Mbs, in which I might embark the remaining 1 portion of my money, so as to secure a comfortable income, in an easy way, with little trouble to my- self. HI was not long in finding out something which seemed to suit me exactly. Looking over the advertising columns of the newspapers one day, I read an advertisement in the following terms: HI PARTNER WANTED.—Wanted a Partner, wbe can advance from £ 3000 to JE5000. to join the Advertisers in an established and rapidly increasing Business, in which the profits are large, and the returns certain. A return of 20 t;o 30 per cent. upon the sum invested may be confidently anticipated. Personal attendance not essential. For further par- ticulars apply by letter, addressed, C.C.C., No. 873, —— Office.' «' I considered that this was as likely a speculation as there was any hope of meeting with, so I imme- diately wrote to the address mentioned, for further particulars. "I received a most satisfactory reply the follow- ing day. The advertisers were Messrs. Hooker and Frampton, wholesale dealers in home and foreign fancy merchandise, Stubb's-lane, Upper Thames- street. I was informed that the business had only been established about two years but that its pros- perity had already so far exceeded the most san- guine anticipations of its proprietors, that they found their capital insufficient to carry it on in the manner they desired. They had conducted it on the principle of paying for everything they bought 4 cash down,' and thus supplied themselves with goods on the very best terms. But, on the other hand, they were obliged, in conformity with the usual practice in the trade, to sell upon four months' credit. This neces- sitated the employment of a large floating capital; but, at the same time, as the house was careful to do only with good men, there was really no risk. It could be shown by the books that the profits bad averaged exactly twenty-six and-a-half per cent. per annum on the capital embarked; and it was con- sidered that an additional sum of L5000 might be introduced, with the prospect of realising an equal, and probably a much greater, per-centage of profit. The letter concluded by asking for an interview. Thinking very favourably of the matter, I ap- pointed an interview on the following day, at the firm's place of business. Mr. Hooker was an elderly gentleman, with a comfortable, well-to-do appearance; and Mr. Frampton was an active, thorough business- like young man, of about thirty or so. I liked the appearance of both very much, and found them parti- cularly agreeable persons to speak to. Having answered all my inquiries, shown me their books, and expatiated in glowing terms upon the advantages I should be sure to derive from the connection, I agreed to go in, in the first place, to the extent of JE3000, with the promise that, if the business prospered, I would put in another JE2000. It was arranged that a balance of the company's books should be struck every three months, when a division of the profits would be made; and the name of the firm was to be changed to Hooker, Collins, and Frampton.' When the deed of partnership was being signed, Mr. Hooker observed that it was the rule in part- nerships that the working partners should be paid salary in addition to their share in the profits; but that Mr. Frampton and he had agreed to waive their rights in this r espect, and place themselvoa on the same footing with myself. I was much struck with this mark of my partners' honour and generosity; and my confidence in them increased. 44 I called at the warehouse regularly once a week -sometimes oftener. When I called I generally took lunch with Mr. Hooker in his private room, where he had a cupboard excellently stocked with wines. He evidently knew what it was to live well. At the end of the first quarter I received as my share of the profits £ 150; and I was so much gratified with the result, that I began to think it might be well to embark another S2000 in the business at once. On second thoughts, however, I considered it might be advisable to wait until I saw if things continued to go on in the same way. 44 At the expiry of the second quarter I received d6160. I was now satisfied as to the profitable nature of the business, and said to Mr. Hooker one day, when we were having lunch together- I suppose you couldn't employ any more capital profitably, could you ?' 444 Yes,' said he, 4 we could have cleared at least JE300 no further back than last week, by the pur- chase ef a bankrupt's stock, if we had had two or three thousand at our disposal. Scarcely a week passes but we have such opportunities. Bless you! that's the way fortunes are made in business.' I I was thinking,' said I, 4that I might put in another two thousand, if there was a good chance of its turning out well.' 444 Chance!' exclaimed Mr. Hooker; I there's no chance about it; the thing's certain. And even sup. posing it didn't turn out so well as you might expect, you know there can be no risk. You could withdraw your money at any time upon giving the requisite notice in the terms of the coutract.' "'Well,' said I, 'I'll put in two thousand, and trust to you to do your best for our mutual in- terests.' "4 You are a wise man; and you may implicitly rely upon our doing our best by you,' was Mr. Hooker's reply. "When the third quarterly balance came to be made, I received JE165 as my share 4 It would have been greater,' Mr. Hooker explained, 4 but they wore only beginning to feel the advantage of the two thousand I bad last invested, and we should have the full benefit of it next balance.' As I saw the reason- ableness of this explanation, I was perfectly satis- fied. "Since the period of my connection with the firm I had been living quite a new life. Instead of going on in the fast style which up to that time I had pursued, I now lived in a quiet, respectable way; and, as I begun to grow wearied, having nothing par- ticular to take up my time, I thought I would take a run down to Scotland, and see my old friends there. 441 signified my intention to Mr. Hooker, who com- mended the propriety of the step. 44 4 Keep your mind easy,' said be; 'things are going on swimmingly; and should anything of im- portance occur, we'll write you.' 441 had intended to stay in Edinburgh for not more than three or four weeks; but the time passed away so agreeably, that more than two months elapsed before I returned to London. I had received no communication from my partners since I left, but this gave me no uneasiness. It had never heretofore been necessary to consult me on business matters; and it was unlikely, therefore, that anything during my absence would have necessitated such a step. 44 The morning following my arrival in the city I called at Stubb's-Iane. To my astonishment and dis- may, the establishment was closed. II I could scarcely believe the evidence of my senses at first. When I did become satisfied as to the fact, I reflected that possibly one of the partners might be just dead, and the establishment closed in conse- quence. 44 I immediately proceeded to make inquiries at an adjoining establishment. 44 4 Can you tell me,' said I, to a boy who made his appearance on my entrance,4 if either of the partners of the firm of Hooker, Collins, and Frampton is dead ?' 44 4 Can't say for that, sir,' said the boy. I haven't heard nothin' of 'em since they bolted.' 44 4 Bolted!' I exclaimed. I You don't mean to say they've run away ?' 44 4 Well, I donno,' replied the boy;4 but that's what folks say. One of 'em's gone to Scotland, that's Collins; the other two's gone to Amerikey, that's Hooker and Frampton.' 44' Good gracious!' said 1,4 that's dreadful.' They were a bad lot, sir,' replied the boy. 4 I 'spose you're one of their creditors ?' 44 4 Well, yes,' rejoined I, trying to look as calm as possible; and I walked away thinking unutterable thoughts. 441 never made any further inquiry after my late partners. I was afraid to do so, indeed. lest I might get myself into fresh difficulties, by its being dis- covered that I was a partner. Every other day, however, for a fortnight or more, I walked down to Stubb's-lane, hoping against hope, that some- thing would yet turn up, by which all would be satisfactorily explained. But, of course, it never was. is This was a dreadful blow to me. All the money I now had in the wor:d was some fifteen hundred pounds, and it was evident I must do something or starve. What to do, however, was a puzzle. It was more than six months before I could make up my mind upon the subject; for I had resolved to be extremely cautious before making any new ven- ture." CHAPTER XV. BELATm VARIOUS APPROVED METHODS OF "RAISING THE WIND." "IwMaeatedin a.coffee-house in Bucklersbury, one day." continued Collins. 44 having a glass of sherry and a biscuit for lunch, when a man named Brandon, whom I had met before, came in, and sat down at the same table. Dull times, these, Collins,' said he. Never saw them worse, Brandon,' replied I. 414 Doing nothing at present, I suppc Be ?' 44 4 Not a thing,' said 1. 41 wish I knew what to lay my hand te.' "I Welt,' said he, 41 know what J could do, if I only had cash to carry out my idea.' I inquired what the idea might be. If I Well,' said Brandon, 41 have it in my bead to bring out something m the medical way. I'm intend- ing to bring out pills a&d ointment for the cure of all diseases, internal and external.' But the difficulty,' said 1,4 in ray opinion, would be to get folks to buy them.' I Oh, there's no fear as to that,' replied Brandon. 4 They only require to be well advertised give them strong recommendations, and first-rate testimonials, and they'll go off like gunpowder!' 444 But what do you know about making pills and ointment V I inquired. 44 4 Well, I have bad some little experience in the line. I was nearly a year with a chemist in Black- friars-road, when a boy; and so I've a smattering of the trade. The first great object, you see, is to make them cheap, so that they'll pay well. The next important thing is to put nothing in them of an injurious nature; so that folks can use a great many of them without doing themselves positive harm. The pills,' he continued, 41 would make of bitter aloes, which is just fit for the purpose, and can be bought from the wholesale druggists for thirty-six shillings a hundred- weight. Thirty-six shillings a hundredweight is four- pence a pound. Now a pound of this stuff, with less than a hap'orth of potato-flour to whiten the pills, would make as many as would fill sixty thirteen- pence-balfpenny boxes!' Capital l' said I; 'that's wltatl should call a fine per centage of profit.' The ointment,' said Brandon, I I should get up in a similar way. I was thinking of calling them Doctor Healwell's Infallible Pills and Ointment;" it's a name that will suit as well as any other.' II. Excellent!' said I. 4 But, then, the articles will not sell unless you have testimonials.' 44 4 Oh, as to that,' replied Brandon, I I can get first- rate ones, in any quantity for a mere trifle. There's one old Irishman down Whitechapel way prepared to make affidavit before the Lord Mayor that the oint- ment cured him of seven ulcers in his left leg, after he had been through nearly every hospital in London. There's plenty more can be got as good as that.' Then why don't you go on with the business P' I asked. For the best reason in the world,'replied he. 41 want capital to start the thing. If I had only four or five hundred pounds I could make a good start.' 44 4 Well,' said I, I I confess I rather like the idea, and I wouldn't much mind going into it. The question is, will the medicine sell?' 'They must sell. Any thing will sell if it's well advertised,' was the reply. 4 Well,' said 1,4 meet ma here to-morrow, and I'll think over the matter.' 441 pondered over Brandon's scheme all day; and the more I thought of it the more I liked it. The satisfaction of knowing that it would supply the public with what could not possibly do them any harm, and in rare instances might even do them good, soothed the feelings of mistrust which for a time rose in my mind as to the character of the undertaking. 444 Well, what do you think of my plan ?', asked Brandon, when we met on the following day. Is I I must say I rather like it,' I replied. 4 There's money to be made at it, evidently.' 44 4 You're right,' rejoined Brandon. 4 It's one of the most money-making professions a man can turn his hand to.' 44 He then went on to tell me that he had seen a beautiful little shop which would suit the concern exactly; and he proposed that we should go and secure it immediately. Previous to doing this, however, we set about arranging how the partnership should be carried out. We finally agreed that the invention, being^Brandon'sj I should contribute the whole of the necessary capital; and that the manufacture of the pills and ointment should be placed under the personal superintendence of Brandon. I was to draw up the advertisements, rough-draft the testimonials, and write the book of directions to accompany the pills and ointment. so In little more than a month we bad got our machinery into working order; and the world was astonished one morning by the announcement of those miraculous remedies, 4 Doctor Healwell's Infallible Pills and Ointment, for the cure of all diseaser to which the human frame is liable; going at once to the very root of disease, bringing one and all of the bodily functions into healthful exercise, and strengthening and invigorating both body and mind. Attested by thousands of testimonials, from persons of all ranks and stations, to be the best remedies ever discovered for conquering disease and prolonging life. Sold by all respectable medicine vendors througbout the world.' fl The starting expenses were considerably heavier than we had anticipated, but the medicines took well; and we were astonished to find persons assuring us, in the most solemn manner, that they had derived more benefit trom the use of Doctor Healwell's pills and ointment than from the prescriptions of the most eminent medical men. At the end of a twelvemonth we bad sold nearly two thousand pounds' worth of the medicines; but the advertising and other expenses (including a sum of £ 13 11s. 6d. for the materials of which the pills and ointment were made) amounted to above sixteen hundred pounds. We bad thus only something less than two hundred pounds each for our year's profits. 44 We hoped, however, now that the articles were fairly afloat, that we should be able to save a great deal in our advertising expenditure. In tbi?, how- ever, we were mistaken; for we learned by experience that whenever we ceased advertising, the sale of our medicines ceased as we increased it, their sale pro- gressed and, in short, the one answered to the other as cause and effect. In this way we made very little of it; and after seven years' toil Brandon found him- self as poor as, and I a thousand pounds poorer, than when we first started. (To be continued.)
--"----"DEPART TO GOD."
"DEPART TO GOD." HOW STANLEY ORDERED A REBEL TO EXECU- TION-STOUT ROPE AND SHORT SHRIFT. Saturday nights among the members of the Savage Club in London are sufficiently famous and they had a particularly interesting time in Adelphi-terrace at their last gathering. Three African travellers got up and told their adventures. They were Lieutenant Stairs, Stanley's commander-in-chief in his late expe- dition; Mr. T. Stevens, the enterprising American special correspondent, who pushed into Africa to meet Stanley; and wiry, bright, amusing little Paul Du Chaillu. Lieutenant Stairs is a young officer of Engineers, a tall, fair, handsome fellow, who blushed hard when his host (Mr. H. S. Wellcome, the chairman of the night) said how highly Stanley had spoken of him, and when, later, Mr. Stevens touched the same string. The lieutenant did not say much, but he in- timated that he had one of the Congo forest dwarfs in stock at Zanzibar, and intends to bring him to London when the warm weather sets in. Mr. Stevens is also a young man, and, like Du Chaillu and other plucky travellers, is rather under than over the middle height, as the novelists say. He related his con- versations with Stanley, and how all his officers speak in the highest terms of his genius and friendly bear- ing towards them. In one of his graphic letters, it will be remembered, Stanley describes a mutiny amongst the cowardly rascals whom he rescued, and briefly states that he executed the ringleader, and had no more trouble from traitors. Mr. Stevens related on Saturday how the execution was carried out. II At the time," he said,44 Stanley was so weak that he could not turn in his bed without help but so strong was his iron will that he insisted upon being taken out of bed aad propped up in a chair. He took a strong stimulant, and had himself carried outside of his tent, where the people were all drawn up, and where the mutineer, who had been tried and found guilty, awaited his sentence. The chair was put down and Stanley faced the miscreant, the fever in his eye, and his thin hand outstretched. I We have come through a thousand difficulties and dangers to save you,' he said, I and this is our reward! Depart to God!' The people thereupon rushed upon the man, shouting, I What shall we do with him ?' 4 Send him to God, I say!' shouted Stanley, pointing to the overhanging limb of a tree. A rope was thrown over, noosed round the miscreant's neck, and he was swiftly run up, and soon dangled a corpse in the air."
[No title]
The Dublin Gazette contains a proclamation exempt- ing the town of Sligo from the operations of the Crimes Act, and restricting the operation of the Act in Wex- foid to two baronies of that county.
THE ROOT OF THE MATTER.
FROM THE COMICS." [FROM •• PUNCH."] THE ROOT OF THE MATTER. (The Typical Woman's Reply to the Arguments of the Rational Dress Soeiety.) My dear Lennox Browne, and my good Dr. Smith, There is probably truth, there is certainly pith, In your Kensington talk abcur Rational Dress. Dr. Garson and Messrs. Leffier-Arnim also, Talk sound common sense, but they'll find it no go; The Crusade they have started can't meet with success. No, sage Viscountess Harberton, sweet Mrs. Stopes, You had better not nourish ridiculous hopes About 44 rationalising our frocks and our shoes. There is just one invincible thing, and that's Fashion That object of every tine woman's chief passion, Tis vain to attack, and absurd to abuse. You may say what you please about feminine "togs," That they're ugly, unhealthy, are burdens or clogs, Too high, or too low, or too loose, or too tight, There is just one reply (but 'tis more than enough) To such 44 rational," but most irrelevant stuff: If not in the Fashion, a Woman's a Fright III [FROM "MOONSHINE."] MRS. MUDDLEMEANINGS is debating the propriety of sending her little boy Bill to the 44 Mercenary Taylors' School." ACCORDING to a telegram from New York, the Government of Brazil intend to increase the army, by 10,000 men, before the elections in September. A row is evidently expected, and more Brazil nuts are required to be cracked. SOIlE NEW BILLS, which might, with advantage, be introduced and passed this Session: A Bill for the Suppression of International Bores, including O'Donovan Rossa and Major Serpa Pinto. A Bill for the Promotion of Individual Freedom, Manliness, Industry and Independence amongst the Working-classes, by the infusion of a little more common-sense. A Bill for Lessening the Powers (for mischief) of the House of Commons and for restoring the balance of the British Constitution. A Bill for the Renovation of Morality and the Restoration to Society of two things long lost, viz.: The Art of Conversation and Good Manners. A Bill providing for the Compulsory Education, in a Board School, for the space of five years, com- mencing April 1, 1890, of all Agitators, Women's Rights Advocates, Philosophical Faddists, and like Ignoramuses. Subjects to be studied and passed, viz.: Ancient and modern history, the geography of the British Empire, political economy. logic, and the decalogue, A Bill authorising the Public Pillorying of Divorce Court Frequenting Beasts calling themselves 44 Ladies," the Muzzling of Foul-mouthed and Habitual Blasphemers, and the administration of the cat-o'-nine-tails to the Revolver-using Criminal and Cad. [FROM "FUN."] A MOVING TALE.—A dog's. A VANE BELIEF.—Placing faith in a weather- cock. Two—BAD. — Landlord: "'Ere, I say, Master! This 'ere's' a bad 'arf crown you've give me!" Tough Customer: 44 That's all right! That was a bad glass o' grog as you gave me fl No ONB MORE SURPRISED THAN THE STRIKER.—Mr. Fun heartily congratulates all concerned on the ter- mination of the Gas Strike, and trusts to the sa-gas-ity of both sides, to avoid the necessity of the lessons of the past being retort" in the future. With the resumption of work, all recriminations should cease the men will find charging retorts more profitable than retorting charges and, though they may feel it hard to work with Ie black legs," they can, at least, rejoice that they do so with 44 clean hands." OUIDA NOTION THAT- The scent that Ouida useth on her eyebrows Cost (say the goesipers) eight pounds per ounce. You'll haply at this statement make some wry brows, In other words, your doubt you may pronounce; For, if 'tis true, it must cause some laments, 'Twould prove she has no taste for common scents, L'AMI DU PURPLE. The fashion's tint for hair r Is neither dark nor fair, But a tinge that, many tell us, is divine- The 44 sunset-purple shade Is the latest colour made, But 'tis a most surpur-ple-uous design. [FROM "JUDY."] NOT TO BE DONE.—It is impossible to fling stones about with a gin sling. The thing sounds easy enough, but no one has ever done it yet. ETIQUETTE.—Always adapt your salutations to the profession of the person whom you salute. If you are addressing a toy merchant, say that you wish him the top of the morning." He is certain to be pleased. ON SHROVE TUESDAY AS AN INSTITUTION. By the Youngest Boy. Shrov Tuesdai is indellibly asoshiated in the Minde of Me & Gorge parker and every uther litel Boy with the Grateful dellikasys fride in panse eeten with lemman & suggar or gam. The 1st kondiment goes best with it, and knone to Faim as Pankakse. What gude and klever peeple sum of those old Bufers (i allude to the Saintse) must hav beene. The Problemb How to make Holy Daise plesant in the ise of the young, and eesy to rimember, was soldered bi sum of them in the twinklinge of a i. Yet it is Hard to beleeve that the Person who instatutid Krissmass Dai with its Turkise, icse Pudingse blazinge with ignighted Alkaholl, & its raeinse & Almondse to phol- lowe, shold also Be risponsable for Salt Fishe with egge sause & the kind of thingse that litel Boyse gett for Diner on Gude FridaL But to riturne to the Pankake. The Pankake is simply konstruckted of milk and eggse. It is sprinkaled with Phlour and fride with Fat in a Pan. When the kuke is a kinde as wel as a rilligous Person, she wil let the litel Boyse oi the Fammaly Help to tosse the Pankakse. The wai to tosse a Pan- kake is to Wate Til itt is kuked on wun cide before yu Throw itt Into The Are, and to be sure and Katch itt in the Pan as itt Kumse Doune, utherwise the Indi- vidualle On Whose Hed the Steeming Dellikasy Hapense to Pball will lose His Temper 1st & His Hare Aphterwardse. i shal Hav a Shrov Tuesdai evvery weeke wen i gro upp. Gorge parkerse arived att the saim deter- minashun. [FROM "FUNNY FOLKS." J WHAT'S IN A NAME ?—Foreign Traveller It Vaiter. shust run town zhtairs undt ask if dere are any letters for me. My name is Ivan Gasteropodskeloff Mikroshtzavitchwalewskoi! LIKELY TO COME IN DUE SEAS-ON-An ocean penny postage. FAN-ATICIsN.-The largest collection of artistic fans is credited to the millionaire, Mrs. Astor, of New York. The bulk is stated to be Chinese, so that no doubt the lady would be fan-cifully known in her circle as the 44 China Astor." LETTERS OF MARK.—It is said that a Pfst or mail-bag dating from 1584. and con- taining 175 letters, has been discovered in some cellars at Frankfort-on-the-Maine. Small doubt but that the writers of the epistles never ex- pected their lines to be cast in such strange places. Our legal contributor points out that missives (good word miss-ives) differed from deeds, inasmuch as though they were signed and sealed, none of them were delivered! SHUN THE GLASS. [A Trust of the window-glass manufacturers of the United States has at last been effected.] That these Yankees are rash it is easy to see, And this Trust sad mishap to its authors may bring: Though they won't burn their fingers," they'll cut them, maybe, For a Corner in Glass is a dangerous thing.
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44YES, gentlemen," he said, "I'm a well-known man. I'm a Londoner, and my name is a familiar one to the English people." 44 You are a member of Parliament, perhaps ?" No, sir; I'm not a politician nor a statesman. I am a private citizen, and proud to say it." 44 Well, if you are not a great statesman, what is it that has made your name a familiar one throughout the- country ? Who are you 44 I'm John Smith."
IMPERIAL PARLIAMENT,
IMPERIAL PARLIAMENT, AUSTRALIAN FEDERATION. In the HOUSE OF LORDS on Feb. 17 Lord Knutsford ,D ?rme<^ Earl of Belmore that the Government had no public despatches on the subject of Anstralian Federation which could be laid before Parliament. The prosperity, welfare, strength, and importance of those great Colonies would be materially increased and secured by a closer union amongst themselves, and her Majesty's Government heartily wished them success in their efforts to arrive at a settlement of the question. k GOVERNMENT MEASURES. Im reply to the Earl of Dunraven, Earl Cadogan stated that it undoubtedly was the intention of the Government to ask the judgment of Parliament on the measures included in the Speech from the Throne, and the extent to which the Irish Local Government and Land Purchase Bills were connected with and depen- dent upon each other would be explained by the Chief Secretary in introducing the latter measure. Their lordships rose at five minutes past five o'clock. SPECIAL COMMISSION REPORT. In the HOUSE OF COMMONS, Mr. W. H. Smith stated, in answer to Mr. Parnell, that the Government pro- posed to ask the House to assent to a resolution adopt- ing the report of the Special Commission, thanking the Commissioners for their just and impartial conduct in the inquiry, and ordering that the report be entered on the journals of the House. The announcement was received with derisive laughter by the Parnellite mem- bers. NEW GOVERNMENT BILLS. Bills were brought in by the Attorney-General to remove the electoral disabilities of persons engaged in naval, military, and police duty, and by Mr. Ritchie to provide for an appeal from a sanitary authority failing to carry into effect the Allotments Act, 1887, and were read a first time. ADJOURNED ADDRESS DEBATE. The adjourned debate on Mr. Parnell's amendment to the Address was resumed by Mr. W. O'Brien, who asserted that after three years of coercion the National League was more powerful than ever, and more likely than ever to drive the English Government out of Ire- land and become the national Government itself. Mr. Balfour had attacked the League upon five different lines of attack, but upon every one he had been igno- miniously defeated, and by his follies he had made Home Rule inevitable. Mr. T. W. Russell reminded the House that the Crimes Act was passed in view of the intimidation prac- tised by the National League, and for the results which had followed it with unerring precision they had to thank the Chief Secretary for Ireland. Mr. Stansfeld attributed the marvellous change which had taken place in the temper of the Irish people to the recent policy of Mr. Gladstone, rather than to the irritating effect of a policy of coercion. Mr. Wyndham, in a maiden speech, traced the im- provement in the condition of Ireland to the firm and impartial administration of the law by the Government, whose chief title to the esteem of their followers, he observed, was the way in which they had shielded and defended the victims of the League. The debate was continued by Sir J. W. Pease, Mr. Cameron Corbett, Mr. Flynn, Mr. De Cobain, and Mr. Shaw-Lefevre, who, in a long speech, contended that the Coercion Act, although framed for the purpose of putting down combination, and enforced with in- credible stringency, had been perfectly futile, and offered no promise in the future of settling disputes still existing. Mr. Smith-Barry defended the action taken by him- self and his fellow landlords in reference to the Ponsonby estate, to which allusion had been made by several speakers in the debate. It was, he explained, not a question of a dispute between Mr. Ponsonbyand his tenants, but of resistance to a conspiracy to im- poverish and expel the Irish landlords, of which that gentleman was to be made the first victim. On the motion of Mr. Campbell-Bannerman the de- bate was again adjourned. LONDON SCHOOL BOARD. Sir R. Temple moved the second reading of the School Board for London (Superannuation) Bill, but the measure was opposed by Mr. Conway, and was talked out. The House adjourned at five minutes past twelve o'clock. MR. DISRAELI RESIGNS. In the HOUSE OF LORDS on February 18, the Lord Chancellor announced the resignation of Mr. Disraeli, the Clerk Assistant, who would, he observed, be fol- lowed in his retirement by the good wishes of all their lordships. The Committee on the House of Lords Offices having reported in favour of abolishing the office of Secretary of Presentations, he proposed to appoint Mr. Thesiger, the present holder, as Clerk Assistant, in order to give effect to the recommendations of the committee. STANDING COMMITTEES. At the instance of Viscount Cranbrook, the Stand- ing Committees on Law and General Bills were, after some discussion, reappointed, and their lordships rose at a quarter past five o'clock. SPECIAL COMMISSION EXPENSES. Mr. Jackson, replying in the HOUSE OF COMMONS to Mr. Labouchere, said that ao application had been received at the Treasury for payment of the expenses of any of the witnesses before the Special Commission, nor was he aware that any was contemplated. MR. PARNELL'S AMENDMENT.—DIVISION. The debate on Mr. Parnell's amendment to the motion for an Address in reply to the Speech from the Throne was renewed by Mr. Campbell-Bannerman, who contended that the Crimes Act had been used against combination, and not against crime. Mr. Balfour had not heard throughout the debate the slightest justification for the vote of censure which the amendment implied. He denied that any change had come over the character of boycotting since 1881, as Mr. Parnell had asserted, and said the Crimes Act had surpassed the most sanguine expectations of the Government. He believed that that improvement would be permanent, and that two or three more years of the same steady administration of the law would re-establish the elementary principles of society in Ireland. Sir H. James held that the amendment contained the admission that the game of law and order was not up. He denied Mr. Parnell's assertion that boycotting had changed for the better. But, believing that tranquillity prevailed, he would welcome the giving to Ireland a measure of local government. Mr. J. Morley, referring to the Irish members in- criminated by the Report of the Special Commission, and describing them as colleagues of the Government, was met by Ministerial cries of 41 No," whereupon he challenged the Government to turn them out of the House. The policy of the Government was the policy of exasperation, which would land it in a worse position than at present. On a division the amendment was defeated by 307 to 240, and the debate was further adjourned. In the HOUSE OF LORDS, on February 19, it being Ash Wednesday, there was no sitting. SCOTCH AFFAIRS. In the HOUSE OF COMMONS Dr. Clark moved an amendment to the motion for an Address in reply to the Speech from the Throne, the object of which was the establishment of a Legislature in Scotland for the consideration of the domestic affairs of that country. The amendment was seconded by Mr. Seymour Keay. rt was opposed from the Opposition side of the House by Mr. Marjoribanks, Mr. D. Crawford, and Mr. J. Bolton, on the ground of principle, and Mr. Crawford moved an amend- ment upon it in favour of constituting the Scotch members of the House into a Grand Committee for the consideration of Scotch domestic affairs, or of devising some other means whereby Scotch affairs should be entrusted to, the control of the Scotch representatives. This was seconded by Mr. Bolton. The Lord Advocate opposed the amendments. Mr. Glad- stone contended that, in the state of Scotch business, Scotland had a serious grievance but as to a remedy, he admitted that the question had not yet been sifted, and was not ripe for a remedy. He could not commit himself to a proposition in favour of a Scottish Parliament, which it would be premature and unwise to adopt. He did not think that the mind of Scotland was made up as to the remedy, and the House should not pass a motion which would signify that the question, was ripe. He would, therefore, vote against tbs- amendment. On a division, MT. Crawford's amend- ment was defeated by 278 to 112. I
SURGEON MELLADEW'S. JOURNEY.
SURGEON MELLADEW'S JOURNEY. Surgeon-Major Melladew, her Majesty's Commis- sioner for Matabeleland, has written home to his friends at Kensington, from Palasuri, Manzerbo, an- nouncing his safe arrival there—the capital of Khama's country-on the 6th of January. After remaining there a day, Major Melladew hoped to leave on the 8th for BaJacvazo, whence about 250 miles more travelling would remain before they reached King Lobengula's kraal. During bis stay there, which he expected would be about three weeks, Major Melladew hoped to attend his Majesty's grand review of 10,000 'soldiers, which is the great event of the year, and he adds, 44 We shall hasten back with aU speed in waggons, ten bullocks in each; horses woa" live here. Thanks to the rain, everything beautifully green."
¡;¡ PUBLIC MEN ON PUBLIC MATTERS.
¡;¡ PUBLIC MEN ON PUBLIC MATTERS. Mr. Jackson, M.P., Ffesmcia! Secretary to the Treasury, addressed his constituents at Leeds on Monday night. He declared that the Irish Land Purchase Bill would be of enormous benefit to tenants. The condition of lrelsnd had vastly im- proved. Ireland only needed a little more time, and especially a little rest. Rebutting the argument that Mr. Goschen remitted £4,000,000 to the income tax- payer, he said the latter had now 3 per cent. less to contribute to revenace than in 1884. The Govern- ment had reduced the National Debt by £ 17,000,000, would this year payoff another JE3,000,000, and* since 1886 had relieved Imperial and local taxation by nearly £ 5,000,000. Mr. Herbert Spencfer hao addressed a letter to a gentleman who called his attention to the fact that most of the recent colliery disasters bad been caused by the use of naked lights, and asked him whether he did not think the Legislature should enforce the use of safety lamps in all coal mines. Mr. Spencer says that 37 years ago he wrote on the question whether there should not be more coal mine inspectors. Since that time there have been frequent legislative measures for the purpose of preventing accidents in; mines; nevertheless, they oontinue to be about as frequent as ever. He does not, therefore, see the reasonableness of the proposal for legislation. An important meeting was held at the War Office on Monday on the subject of the issue to British troops of the Magazine rifle, and the directions for immediate instruction at all the military stations in the United Kingdom. General Philip Smith, com- manding the Home District, presided, and nearly all the members of the committee were present. As a result of the deliberations the final report for presen- tation to the Secretary for War and the Commander- in-Chief is now ready, and will be issued in a few days. Meanwhile, the manual of instructions was issued to officers commanding battalions of infantry, who are directed to take such steps as will ensure all officers and non-commissioned officers being in- structed in the new manual and firing exercises, 80 that they may be prepared to instruct the men when necessary. The Earl of Dunraven, in moving a vote of confi- dence at a meeting held at New-cross in support of Mr. Darling, M.P., on Monday night, said that it was gratifying to learn that the Government meant to introduce bills dealing with the housing of the work- ing classes, and with friendly societies, and savings banks. He said that the report of the Parnell Com- mission fully justified all that was contained in the publications of the Times, with the exception of the charges against Mr. Parnell, which he was heartily glad had been entirely disproved. Replying on Monday to a deputation from the Miners' Federation of Great Britain, who sought the assistance of the Government to secure the passing of the Eight Hours Bill, the Home Secretary stated that he would mention the matter to the leader of the House of Commons, but said that he could not encourage the hope that the Government would support any legislation for restricting the freedom of adult males in respect to the disposal of their labour. At the Board of Trade on Tuesday Sir Michael Hicks Beach received a deputation representing the Amalgamated Sailors' and Firemen's Union to urge the Government to support Mr. Plimsoll's Load Line Bill for preventing the overloading of ships. After hearing the views of the deputation, Sir M. Hicks Beach said though the present law was defective it was not so much so as some of the speakers had re- presented. He would endeavour to have a Bill intro- duced to further the objects of the deputation. On Tuesday a deputation from the Miners' National Federation waited upon the Earl of Dun- raven and Lord Randolph Churchill, M.P., at the residence of the Earl of Dunraven, with the object of enlisting their support for the Eight Hours' Bill for miners now before Parliament. After Mr. B. Pickard, President of the Federation, had explained their views, the Earl of Dunraven said that the State had interfered with the hours of female labour, and he could see no sound reason, if labour was of the opinion that it should interfere further, why it should not be done. Lord R. Churchill said he had not heard or read anything which would autho- rise him in placing himself in opposition to the unanimous wish of the representatives of labour. The deputation afterwards waited on Mr. Glad- stone, who, in response to their explanations, said that he considered the restriction to eight hours wise for underground work, but was not clear that it would be beneficial for labour generally. He declined, however, to commit himself on the subject. Lord George Hamilton, M.P., presided on Tuesday at the 69th annual Court of the Seamen's Hospital Society, held in London. He congratulated the governors upon the satisfactory character of the year's record, and noted that during the year men of 26 nationalities had received relief. He referred with regret to the loss of the services of Mr. Frederick Cleeve, who was compelled to retire from the chair- manship of the committee, and said he had been re- quested to present to Mrs. Cleeve a portrait of her husband by Mr. Arthur Hacker. Mr. J. Henniker Heaton, M.P., read a paper on Ocean Penny Postage on Tuesday evening at the Society of Arts, Sir F. Dillon Bell,Agentfor NewZealand, presiding. He urged that France, with a few burden- some trans-oceanic dependencies, spent £ 400,000 a year more in subsidising her mail lines than was paid by England, and said he purposed asking for a Select Committee on the whole question. He proposed to convey a letter weighing t oz. to any place in the British Empire for Id. A discussion ensued.
PROTECTORATE IN NYASSALAND.
PROTECTORATE IN NYASSA- LAND. The following resolution was recently passed at a meeting of the committee of the British and Foreign Anti-Slavery Society That inasmuch as throughout a long series of years a tract of Central Africa, now called Nyassaland, has continually engaged the atten- tion and exertions of the British and Foreign Anti- Slavery Society, with a view to the exposure and relief of the peculiar barbarism existing there as a consequence of the Slave Trade; this committee desires to express to her Majesty's Government its sense of great satisfaction that this territory is now in process of being placed under a British protectorate, with assured peaceable access thereto; calculated, as this measure is, to remove such hindrances as have hitherto impeded the labours of the various British missionary and commercial enterprises which have for so many years striven to bring Christianity and civilisation to bear upon the evils of the tribes affected."
DESTRUCTION OF TORONTO UNIVERSITY.
DESTRUCTION OF TORONTO UNIVERSITY. A great fire at the University of Toronto has resulted in. the almost complete destruction of the buildings. The library, museum, and the class and lecture rooms with their contents have all been destroyed, the only part of the University saved being the residence section and a portion of the south-west wing, which, however, are much damaged by smoke and water. It appears that at about half-past six o'clock on Friday evening preparations were being made to light the building in readiness for the annual conver-sazione. Two servants were carrying a wooden tray with a number of lighted lamps, when the tray broke and the lamps fell to the ground. The oil caught fire, and despite the efforts of the men, the flames spread with such rapidity that they were compelled to rush out of the building to save them- selves. The fire quickly reached the class-rooms, the Beading-room, and the library. There was some delay in giving the alarm, and when the firemen arrived the whole of the interior presented the ap- pearance of a vast furnace. The flames, fanned by a strong wind, resisted all efforts to subdue them, and the fire continued ta- burn fiercely until midnight, when the once stately pile of buildings was a mass of smoking ruins. Tbe spread of the fire was so rapid that there was little chance of saving anything. A small number of the specimens in the Museum and some of the scientific apparatus was brought out by the students, buS they were mostly broken while being removed. Ths, library contained 33,000 volumes* which are valued by the librarian at about 100,000 dols., and many of them cannot be replaced. Some. 100 volumss only were saved. It is impossible to correctly estimate the total loss, \);,¡t¡. the building and contents, are valued at 1,500,000 dols. The total insurance amounts tGonly 160^000 dols. Only a few peopla were in the building when the fiN, Woke out, and all of these escaped.
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THERE is a very strong public opinion against preaching by women, but almost every husband 1mows that women as lecturers ar-e ao ectije sue* cess,