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UlisteflaiMis qffitnend Jäns.




1. rHE ENGLISHMAN AND HIS, FALSE 1 NOSE. The Court, Journal tells the following story of the ad- rentures of one of our countrymen abroad, with their ex- :eedingly agreeable termination :— In Holland they smoke but few know to what an jxtent, and that there is only one thing that can awaken the enthusiasm of the Dutch—tobacco. All ;hat concerns it, they idolise. It happened that a poung English gentleman, and an old English gentle- man, were in a diligence between Amsterdam and Utrecht (they hold twenty, and are something like minibuses). Immediately after starting, the windows were put up, and s' 2am got up, and every man lit lis pipe, save the two Englishmen. It was soon a ) httle worse to bear than the inside of Vesuvius on one of its angry days. The old Englishman could stand it no longer, and it broke him of his taciturnity; with one of those awful cm'—'s he roared out, in French, for a window to be opened. Every one was astonished at the impudent request, and there was soon a row. The young Englishman, who could not before get his countryman into conversation—he believing, of course, that the young man was not bon ton enough, or some- thing of the kind-did not now interfere. The old Englishman roared again; and when he could not pre- vail, pleaded that he was a Briton, and COD ld not stand smoke if he could stand fire. A quiet, fat, gentlemanly-looking old Dutchman in the corner broke silence- and remarked, But here is a compatriot of yours; he does not mind it. Does the smoke inconvenience you, sir ?" Oh, not in the least. 'u I don't even smell it." He said this with a twinkle of his eye for he was as merry-faced as the fat old Dutch gentleman. The dispute was settled; the old English- man was stifled; and the fat Dutch gentleman and the young Englishman got into hearty conversation. They were both pleasant fellows, and the bond of fraternity with good-nature is mysterious, but quick in its opera- tion. They both got down at the same hotel, talked, ate, laughed, went out together. The only thing that they did not do together was smoke; for, though the young Englishman had no objection to the cloud, he did net care to produce one himself. They liked each other so well that they journeyed together to a border district of Holland, abutting on Germany; the young Englishman wishing to kill time and see the country in such good companionship. When there, however, the good-natured Dutchman would hear of nothing less than that the next day the young friend he liked so much should pay him a visit at his "lust," or country-house, for three days. He could not, as the song has it, Sing every day I am The richest merchant of Amsterdam. but certainly he could of Korg-n. And it was not singular, therefore, that the young Fraulein, his only- and his pretty daughter, had a lot of young boors bor- ing her. Neither can it be considered singular that a young Englishman should take a fancy to her; but, being wealthy and of good family, with no obstacles, it is particularly curious that he sighed and resolved to run for it. He did, and he got a letter, a few weeks after, to say that there was capital skating and plenty of wild-fowl shooting, and to come and stop a month. The answer was, "My dear friend, before I can think of setting foot in your house, let me explain a little matter which lies heavily on my conscience. I never told you why I was not annoyed about the smoke of tobacco. Because, then, I have got a false nose,-at least, a portion,—the original part being shot away when I was a subaltern. The make-up, thanks to a bristly moustache, is so good, that I don't think it worth while to let every one know, but, for certain reasons, I prefer to tell you." The reply was, "Come directly; or I'll come and fetch you. A certain person has enjoyed the e: lanation, considers it a capital ioke, and does not, I ;,ssure you, think any the worse of you. Nor did she, when the test was put at the end of six months, and she took Mr. S of the 7—d, for better, for worse," including the false bit of nose.