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" ' "'" THE LADIES." .


THE LADIES." IN what is called the brute creation the male is always the most adorned.. Contrast the peacock, lion, a&> goldfinch, chanticleer (Plre), cock-robin, and ev*? the male butterfly, with peahen, lioness, doe, hen, and the lady pwpilio. On one side* the hues of the rainbow ;on the other, tints decidedly subdued and sub- tuse. Of course, there are handsome men; but beauty, so far as generic display is concerned, belongs alone to women, Decidedly the brute creation "has the best ot it. They control their females; WO are the slaves Of our ladies. And yet some of us thiqk ourselves the superior creation. This is, as I said, only a protest; and a protest it must remain. Observe — Nature ownB a reuunine appeltation. lhavo pasaedtheexeitable- sentimental epoAA; and I speak collectedly, and without passion. Moreover I, defy refutation of my atate- ment regarding popular fallacies concerning "The Juadies." For instance, here is one,- for which those rhaoso- dists, the poets, are responsible, with their iteration of rairy footfall," and dew- brushing step and aftr, fa^y Lilian," ad nauseam. J You just look at the flattened beetle, the smashed dandelion, and the Anprem,in the mud of airy, fairy 8'' foot, and,then talk to me of dew-brushing, and flowers that scarce bent beneath her tread yourromantis seJf where that inquisitive beetle or helpless dandelion was when Lilian walked on eitber. Ju„t pjcjc np ««airy, fairy Lilian" yourself, and run up a hill with her, and see if you can, at the con- clusion of the athletic feat/whistle The Shadow Air from Dinorah" without a gasp. +v, f to ">« practical, and I say that it is a fallacy t women weigh nothing. You can't blow them away with a breath. A well-put-otgether, healthy girl weIghs about one hundred and forty pounds, and you can t cnuck her over your shoulder and carry her off in, the smoke. Yet we are expected, when we assist a lady i *° merely wave the hand in which is planted the tiny boot," and the sylph bounds safely to her perch. Try the Bylph Belinda, and look at her boot, and do it' my Wend, if you can; and you can't, unless you belong to a Turnverein, and can throw fifty hundred- weights over your left shoulder without pausing. If there be no Belinda handy, let my male reader carry 013 sister (a cousin is better, and more agreeable practice), up a steep flight of stairs, and afterwards communicate his bodily exhaustion, with a medical testimony (now very popular) as to the condition of hIS pulse and the action of his heart. The cousin øay, I admit, have something to do with any acceleration of thelatter. Again, and for this all sentimentalists are responsible, tjk0re 's a fallacy that "The Ladies" eat nothing. Hee-haws, who stare at candle-lit window-blinds behind which their divinity in blue is supposed to be combing her locks and sitting in dreamy drapery," are welcome to the phantasy. I have grown up daughters, and I know that healthy young women do eat; and young Hee-haw should pay their butcher's bills for a quarter if he wants to be disillusioned. Wait np is married, thafs all! Of course, a pretty, attractive girl does DOt" take. meal --that is the term—before Ofmon. Not she! she can t. She has been well fed before she graces the supper-table, and a butterfly's wing A la Mac6doine is ~Vplenty thank you!" there and then. But your girls want plenty1 of animal food; and in the privacy at home she consumes as much, or nearly as much, as her schoolboy brother. u-epa the case of Viol ante in the pantry gnawing bone^" and her mode of proceeding is allied to that typical heroine's; we can fancy how she gnawed it, how she clawed it, when she found herself alone!" jp6re 'he gist of the prooedaw. Women don't eat. don't theyP All this nimsease » "till accepted. •further. Whyam I expelled from mv club for cneatmg at whist, When "The Ladies" unblushingly substitute cards of power for useless ones, and dodge j aces and tens at viagt-etun, without as much as an objection from their victims ? I suppose what is honesty isn't 6 8anc*er ou?ht to he honesty for the goose; but it; J more. I am (we will say) week-chested, cachectic man, and I am amongst a company in ant j omnibus. A stiff north-east wind 1» blowing,^and 1 tnere prevails no little sleet, cutting your cheeks and searching out your very marrow. The omnibus stops,: ] and the conductor (knowing the'popular prejudice) 1 has no compunction in asking me" to Bit outside to < oblige a lady." The conductor is perfectly iu the I < right; he trades on the ridiculous fallacy; I am ai j victim to it. The sturdy, ruddy* raw-boned « good-for- ninety 11 woman takes mv warm seat, and L the weak- j chested, nervous, cold-catching man, whose life means ( oread to my-children, "sit outside to oblige a lady!"i Unoe again, If I say, and persist m saying, rude things to one of my own sex, I run the risk of having ,j personal chastisement inflicted on me (of course I am not supposing myself a critic that raee is exempt):1 but a lady may say the most insolent, cruel, and malicious things of you, and to you» and you must bow and smile. She may strike you, and, being often the stronger vessel, may soundly thrash you, but no dissent. ing voice is raised. Though she has unsexed herself by assuming man's mode of quarrel, you the man must 3 not retaliate. Ruffian .says Twaddle, the^melodrama- ] strike a woman ? T j °' dear in this, as in other points, that" The < Ladies may enjoy all the privileges of men Without < incurring the attendant responsibilities.—Robert Seeoe t .in lJarth. I E ]

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