County Observer and Monmouthshire Central Advertiser Abergavenny and Raglan Herald Usk and Pontypool Messenger and Chepstow Argus

•t —• •• :—- NOTES ON NEWS. 1 Perhaps we have never had such treacherous -weather as that with which we h&ve been favoured this spring. Following too glorious sunshine ajid summer heat of Easter have come leaden skies, heavy snow, cold showers, and biting easterly winds, and this remark- able lapse into wintry conditions has put back vegetation and oaucied a widespread epidemic of coughs and colds. Whereas we bad the thermometer registering 68 degrees at Eastertide, it sank all -at once to 57, and since then has gradually gone back until the highest degree registered was 48-a drop of 20 degrees. The record of sunshine, too, has shown a remarkable variation, for whereas during the last twelve days of March we had a total of over 75 hours, the same number of days in April gave us only 36 hours. With weather like this, the truth of the old adage of Cast not a clout till May be out comes home with double force. It is owing to the disregard of the advice of this old saw that so many people are laid up, and Sir Dyce Duckworth has siniething to say on the subject in the Hospital." He pointa cfttt that spring and early summer bring us most caz--ls of pneumonia, for people are in- duced by lengthening days to discard winter clothing, and to believe that summer is upon them, and therefore to expose themselves to dangerous chills. Many people were induced by the Easter sun to discard their thick gar- ment.s, donning in place of them the garb which we usually wear in midsummer, and those who did not go back to their thicker lothes with the change in the weather are "ilûwbitterly repenting. As Sir Dyce Duck- worth remarks, we seldom lose east winds before June, and winter precautions are, therefore, to be taken up to that time, even at -the risk of a little discomfort. But though spring may delay its coming, the housewife must have her spring-clean- ing done, and the house must be painted. The smell of paint causes distress to a good many people, and persons who are sensitive to the vapour of paint, or, what is the same thing, to the turpentine and oils contained in the paint, are well advised, says the Lancet," to resign their home until the drying influence of the air has dissipated the volatile oils. Turpentine, even in the form of vapour diluted with air, undoubtedly affects the health of some persons, the disturbance mani- festing itself in the shape of giddiness, head- ache, deficient appetite, and anaemia. A very sensible precaution during the painting season for those to take who are compelled to endure the nuisance is to leave bowls of water in the freshly painted rooms. Some, at stay rate, of the paint emanations are thus ab- sorbed, as will be seen by the oily film on the surface of the water so exposed. An even jnore powerful absorbent is fresh milk, which reduces the smell of paint in a room in a re- n.arkable way. At this season of the year many house- wives realise what a deficicncy there is in the matter of green vegetables. But the fields and hedgerows are full of green vegetables to be had for the picking. Nothing grown m the garden is better than the first sprout of the hop, which should be picked when they are about twelve inches high, and treated in the same way as asparagus.. Very young nettles, which lose all their venom in cooking, are almost as good as winter spinach, and by some -considered to have distinct medicinal virtues. To spring salads, which now cost large sums of money, the dandelion contri- butes a most savoury and wholesome leaf. It is now at its best and would be well worth gr owing for itself if care, were taken to stop it seeding. There are other vegetables better known than these which are only eaten raw, but are-even better cooked. The best are water- cresses and lettuce. An American judge has discovered that the proper way in which to deal with husbands who are in need of reform is to feed the brute." Judge Mackenzie Cleland, of Chicago, who has been making experiments, has come to the conclusion that go.od food is an important factor in the work of reforma- tion, and so he has drawn up a scale of diet calculated to make the punishment fit the crime. Some of his remedies are very in- genious, and include the following -Wife- beating, vegetables, nuts and cereals, jelly, cake, lady fingers; cold feet, buckwheat cakes, sausage, fried potatoes, shad roe; talking in sleep, onions, garlic, anchovies, boiled ham, also clothes pins; snoring, Welsh. rabbit, pickled onions, bloaters, cream puffs; staying out, Canvas back duck, terrapin, ice cream, chocolate eclairs; drinking, mush, milk, candy, marmalade, tit-bits, toffy; bad temper, pigs' knuckles, sauerkraut, tripe, buttermilk, stale bread; henpecked, raw beef sandwiches, beans, carrots, mutton chops and flirting, onions. The last is surely a safe-cure, for .no lady would want to,flirt with a man who had been eating onions. The movement for the erection of drinking fountains in every town in the kingdom as a memorial to the late Sir Wilfrid Lawson, M.P., has received very cordial support. So general, indeed, has the support been that those towns that have already applied may anticipate being supplied before the hot weather sets in with one or more of the mural fountains. The design has been approved. A portrait medallion of Sir Wilfrid Lawson, which has been decided upon, will be a, replies of one of the best likenesses in the possession of the present baronet, and on the entabla- ture below the medallion the Council desire to inscribe a few words or a suitable epigram of Sir Wilfrid's that his family or friends may suggest. With the retirement of Lord Cromer three of what may be termed the most celebrated .administrative brains of the Empire are with- drawn from the seRvice of the country. In 1905 Lord Curzon, after a brilliant career, culminating in his fillinc, for six years the poet of Viceroy of India, laid down the reins of office. In the same year Lord Milner re- linquished the post of High Commissioner for South Africa, which he Hild so ably filled for eight years, and now comes the news that Earl Cromer has retired from the post of British Agent and Consul-General in Egypt, which he has held since 1883. Lord Cromer comes of a well-known family of German ex- traction, which for two centuries has been domiciled and naturalised citizens of this country, and for more than half that. period have been conspicuous in the world of British commerce, finance, and politics. Its founder, John, son of Franz Baring, a Lutheran minis- ter of Bremen, came to England in 1697, and 11 established himself as a merchant and cloth manufacturer at Larkbeer, near Exeter. His son Franz, born at that place in 1740, migrated in early youth to London, where he entered upon a commercial career, in the course of which he acquired such wealth and consideration that in 1793 he received the honour of a baronetcy. During the ensuing century the Barings were to accomplish what is presumably the record feat of adding within less than sixty years no fewer than four new titles to the roll of Peerr,-tbose, namely, of Ashburton, conferred in 1835 on Alexander Baring, second son of the first baronet; of Northbrook, bestowed upon Thomas Baring, grandson of Sir Francis, in 1866; of ReveLstoke, a creation of 1885 in favour of Edward Charles Baring, another grandson of the same and, finally, of Cromer, the title taken in 1892 by Lord Rerelstoke's younger brother.

I NEWS IN BRIEF. 1 Tragedies ernd Disasters. At Colchester Thomas Lester COTHTnitted Suicide by tying himself by the neck to the bed- post and throwing himself out cf bed. A cyclist named Ryder, whil'1 descending .11. hill into Alton on Sunday evxi.ang, ran into another cyclist, and received such severe in- juries that he died. A boy, six years of age, named William Young, of Gorebridge, was playing on the road- side on Monday, when a heavily laden public motor-bus from Edinburgh knocked him down and killed him instantaneously. On Monday morning the scantily-clothed body of an unknown woman, apparently about 45 years of age, was found floating in the sea at S pithead. Joseph Dempster, a carriage cleaner on the L. and N.W. Railway at Exchange station, Man- chester, was engaged upon a stationary row of coaches, when an ingoing train knocked him off the steps. He fell under the wheels and was cut to pieces. John George Hobman, 56, a well-known South :side contractor, was found shot in his office at Plough-road, Rotherhithe. On the floor by his side was a revolver. He had been worried over the illness of two relatives. Ernest William McMahon, eleven years of age, of Camberwell, died from injuries re- ceived while he was playing football. Accidents. Through an engine jumping the rails before entering the station and falling over on its side .great delay was caused on Monday at Finsbury Park. A one-legged cyclist ran over a three-year-old boy, William Benhain, in A.uckland-street, Vauxhall, on Monday. The floor of a warehouse in North-street, York, collapsed on Monday afternoon, and three men who were working there were buried under the ruins. George Dickson died soon after -being extricated, and William Dent, and John T. Wheatley were found to be seriously injured. An electric tramcar left the rails in Islington on Monday night and mounted the pavement. There were few people on the car, and none of them was injured, but the driver was consider- ably shaken. A motor-bus collided with a. van near the Borough Market, London, and afterwards ran into a post on the opposite side of the road. Three of the passengers on the bus were injured. One-a man—was taken to Guy's Hospital and detained. Two others, ladies, are suffering from shock. The Norwegian brig Hilding stranded off Spurn Head. The crew were taken off by the Spurn lifeboat, but the captain refused to leave his ship. A fire broke out at the Home for Friend- less Girls, Upper Phillimore-place, London, W. All the inmates were asleep, but Miss Baron, the superintendent, who discovered the outbreak, promptly raised the alarm, and in a short time everyone had escaped. The lower part of the premises was gutted. Told in the Courts. "Do you keep three servants?" asked a solici- tor of a defendant at the Wandsworth County- court on Monday. "No," was the reply, "I keep two and a wife. At least, I have a wife now, and owe the two servants money." Two doctors who gave evidence for a ware- houseman who was awarded CI50 in the City of London Court on Monday for personal injuries, said he could never work again. Two other doctors who gave evidence on the other side said that light work would be an advantage. Arrested after he had sung a song at the Cardiff Empire on Saturday, Andrew Roy was remanded on Monday by the Cardiff Bench on a charge of stealing gold and pearl pins from a I local jeweller. In giving evidence at Harlow (Essex) a police officer said that defendant caUed at a public-house and asked for gin. The land- lord, seeing he was drunk, gave him a glasa of water, which defendant drank and paid for. Two brothers named Doherty were re- manded at Liverpool on Saturday charged with breaking into a jeweller's shop and stealing £ 300 worth of stock. For having his chimney-the chimney of the fire station on fire, the chief constable of Stockport was fined on Saturday. Three men received heavy sentences at the Middlesex Sessions on Saturday for having burgled the house of the well-known Suffra- gette, Mrs. Martyn, secretary of the Women's Political and Social Union. Annie King, who, it is stated, has been charged nearly 300 times at the South- Western Police-court, was sentenced to a month's imprisonment for intoxication. William Kenny, twelve years old, was com- mitted at Leicester to the Desford Industrial School for wilfully setting fire to a house. The Penge coroner held an inquest at the Anerley Poor Law Schools on George Smith, nine years old, an inmate, who was found drowned in the swimming bath on Thursday morning. The World of Sport. At the King's Memorial Baths, Newcastle- under-Lyme, Master Frank Tilton, aged eight years, succeeded in swimming half a mile in 17min. 22see., a record performance for one so young. Sir James Pender's new racing cutter Bryn. hild II., was successfully launched from Messrs. Cowper and Nicholson's yard on Monday. Mr. Balfour was a member of Sir Henry Seton-Karr's team of London golfers which was beaten in two matches by a team from the Ranelagh Club, at Barnes. Mr. J. H. Strudwick, of international re- pute as a draught player and a well known writer on the game, died after a short illness at his residence in Kentish Town at the age of 39. Music and the Drama. "The Stronger Sex" was, on Monday night, transferred with the full cast from the Apollo Theatre by Mr. Otho Stuart to the New Royalty Theatre. For the opera season, which begins on the 30th inst., the King has subscribed for his usual box at Covent Garden. On Saturday evening "The Lady Dandies," at Daly's Theatre, was performed with several new and attractive features, in- troduced for the first time, that add charm- ing variety to this already beautifully- mounted opera, rich in music. Because of the aggressive tactics pursued by the variety artists, Mr. Oswald Stoll has withdrawn from the music-hall arbitration. Sir Charles Wyndham returned to the Cri- terion on Saturday, when he revived Mr. Henry Arthur Jones' comedy, "The Liars." "La Fille de Madame Angot" was success- fully given by the French Opera Bouffe Com- pany at the Coronet Theatre. The chief characters of the once familiar opera were all extremely well played. Military and Navel. Mr. Morley has sanctioned the continuance of the military branchoi the Indian Finance Department permanently. Mr. J. S. Meston becomes its secretary. Lord Charles Beresford's flag was hoisted at Portsmouth on Monday on the King Edward VII., the Channel Fleet flagship. A new Staff appointment is announced in the Eastern District that of Garrison Ad- jutant at Colchester. Holders of the Turkish Crimean medal for bravery, John Knowles, aged eighty, a. Crimean veteran, has died in Armagh Work- húusc. Major-General Baden-Powell will shortly complete his term of service as Inspector General of Cavalry.. The band of the South Lancashire Regi- ment was received with milita.ry honours in the French town of Lille on Sunday. There were loud shouts of "Vive l'entente cordiale" and "Vive rAngleterre." The band gave a highly successful concert. News of the Churches. A memorial tablet to the late Colonel Frank Rhodes has been placed in the north wall of Balham Church, near Newmarket. Owing to the number of sideemen being 13, one of them refused to accept office at St. George's Vestry, Tiverton (Devon), and the number was raised to fourteen to meet his ob- jection. It is proposed to erect in Manchester 14 new churches and 11 permanent churches in the places of mission-rooms. The total cost will be about £ 65,000. Already L36,000 has been paid or promised. The Right Rev. C. H. Bromley, D.D., who wes Bishop of Tasmania from 1864 to 1882, died on Sunday night at Clifton. The vicar of the historic church of Child- wall, near Liverpool, announced at a vestry meeting that Mr. Walter Gladstone, nephew of the late Mr. W. E. Gladstone, had offered to place a new organ in the church in memory of his father and mother and of the great statesman. Dr. John Massie, M.P., who has been nomi- nated for the chairmanship of the Congrega- tional Union of England and Wales, has inti- mated that even if elected he could not pos- sibly, owing to his Parliamentary duties, undertake the work which the position de- mands. Social. The Bishop of Trinidad and Mrs. Welsh were among the passengers who arrived at Southamp- ton on Monday from the West Indies in the Royal Mail steamer Tagus. Accompanied by then- children, the Prince and Princess of Wales returned from Windsor to Buckingham Palace on Monday. Speaking at Croydon on Monday night, for the first time since his return from Jamaica, Mr. Arnold-Forster said he left England for the rest cure and had enlarged his experiences, one being an earthquake, another a terrific storm, and a third malarial fever.. Viscount Mountgarret has signified his in- tention of building a home on his estate at Nidd, near Harrogate, for girls rescued from Bradford, in connection with the Church of England Waifs and Strays Society. He has also vested the sum of £ 6,400 in the Ripon Diocesan trustees for the endowment of the home. Sir Thomas George Fardell, M.P. for South Paddington, has retired from the chairman- ship of the Isle of Ely Quarter Sessions aftel having held the position for anore than 13 years. Commercial and Industrial. Sir Walter Gilbey, President of the Essex Agricultural Society, is giving prizes of C20 and £ 15 in oder to bring to the knowledge of agri- culturists the fact that the original Suffolk cow was unrivalled for its milking qualities. Now that the operatives spinners have joined the application for a five per cent. advance of wages the whole of the Lancashire cotton trade is involved. At a moderate computation 250,000 operatives are concerned, and the amount for which they ask for is at least half a million a year. It was decided by the South Wales Miners' Federation at Cardiff to demand a large ad- vance in wages, an increase of 15 per cent. having been spoken of, but not definitely fixed. During the past year 50,508 vessels of a net registered tonnage of 27,144.961 entered and cleared from the port of London, being an in- crease over 1903, the next highest year, of 963 vessels and a tonnage of 1,248,770. Employment in March as compared with Feb- ruary showed an improvement, according to the "Board of Trade .Labour Gazette," and an im- provement is also noticeable in most of the principal industries in comparison with last year. The special committee of the Southampton Harbour Board recommends the spending of £ 50,000 in deepening Southampton Water by 32ft. at low water during the spring tides. An enthusiastic meeting of the teachers af- fected by the West Ham education authority's new scale of salaries was held at West Ham. As a result, one hundred teachers, including those already dismissed, will decline to ac- cept the new terms. National and Political. Lord Cromer will leave Cairo on May 6 for England. Mr. Smuts has sent a despatch to Lord Elgin advocating the solution of the unemployed problem by the immediate opening up of Swazi- land to white prospectors. Temperance members of the House of Com- mons held a meeting and decided to urge the Government not to drop the Licensing Bill, which was promised in the King's Speech. Sir Walter Nugent (Nationalist) was on Saturday nominated as a Parliamentary can- didate for South Westmeath, and, there be- ing no other nominee, he was declared duly elected. "The House of Lords has one fetish—pro- perty-and it loathes as the plague the very name of progress," said Mr. Lewis Harcourt at Bacup on Saturday. During a Tory Ad- ministration it revises nothing, but when the Liberal party is in power, by some mystical transmutation the sloth turns into a porcu- pine-prickly at every approach by the repre- sentatives of the people." From Other Lands. "Ruin" is the name of a beverage recently imported into New York. It consists of rum, ale, and soda. The "Messagero," of Rome, states that Miss Annie Hunt, of London, was robbed of a purse containing several hundred pounds wrnle jour- neying from Chiasso to Geneva. A strike of domestic servants, the first of its kind in Italy, has broken out at Arzignano. The girls, whose organisation is perfect, demand higher wages, a ten-hours day, and extra pay for overtime. An amusing dispute has arisen at Orange, New Jersey. On the stone slab over the en- trance to the new fire station Mr. Hugh Lamb is described as the "archetect" of the building, and he refuses to pass the contractor's account until his profession is spelt right. The walls of the gaol at San Pedro, Mexico, collapsed on Sunday. Seven prisoners were mortally aad 19 others seriously injured. A farmer named Eloff, of Rustenburg, Transvaal, who is awaiting trial at Pretoria on the charge of killing a Kaffir, alleges that he fired a loaded gun to frighten away ghosts to which his family attributed strange noises in the house, and that he was unaware of the native's presence. The President of Honduras has sur- rendered, and the war with Salvador is at an end. m At the opening of the Carnegie Institute, at New York, ex-Lord Provost Cranston, of Edinburgh, a total abstainer for sixty-one years, drank Mr. Carnegie's health in a glass of claret. The Provost was the subject of much good-natured chaff from Lady Cranston and others. Other Interesting Items. False teeth and jewellery was the booty secured by burglars who broke into the chop of Mr. F. R. Nichols, chemist, of Walthamstow. For more than twelve months there has not been a death in the Somerset village of Clay- hidon, where there are 500 inhabitants. The Yarmouth Corporation has agreed that Volunteers in uniform going to drill shall be i allowed to ride on the tramcars at half fares. The privilege is shared with workpeople and school children. | Sandwichmen wearing silk hats, frock coats, and gaiters, and each of them with a flower in his buttonhole, paraded the West-end on Mon- day. They carried umbrellas, and smoked long cigars. As Mr. J. P. Butcher, of Redruth, and his daughter, were walking home on Saturday night they felt the ground give way and sprang back. Mr. Butcher discovered a yawning gulf stretch- ing across their path, and stayed all night in order to warn anyone who might approach. The dawn revealed a hole 70ft. deep, with about 30ft. 1 of water, believed to be connected with an dd uiijue working. <

TEA TABLE TALK. 1 Wood-carving is the hobby of the Crown Princess of Routoania, who is very fond of out- door sports. Whilst the Duke and Duchess of Connp,ught were at Canton recently, the Duchess and Prin- cess Patricia were compelled to smoke cigarettes almost incessantly as a preventive against disease. Some of the New York daily papers employ women journalists to specially undertake and write sensational descriptions of various feats of daring, for which they are paid as much as £ 20 a week. An organisation known as The Single Blessedness Club," the object of which is to discourage matrimony, and work for the ideali- sation of spinsterhood, has been founded at Wisconsin University, and the president, Misa Federle, states that the members will be dis- tinguished from the ordinary spinsters by the fact that they all hate cats. J The little Countess von Nordenfeldt, who is only twelve years old, has created a great sen- sation in Sweden by attempting to restore her family's fortunes by appearing on the stage as a dancer in national costume. She is receiving a70 a week. To be perfect a feminine face should measure exactly five times the width of an eye across the cheek bones. The eye should be exactly two- thirds the width of the mouth, and the length of the ear exactly twice that of the eye. The space between the eyes should be exactly the length of one eye. Mrs. Bramwell Booth has formed The Mothers' League," the object of which is to make home life happier. The idea is t6 show wives how to manage their husbands witn a view to keeping them at home. Nagging is to be put an end to, and by means of good suppers and cheerful homes the wage-earner is to be kept from the doubtful delights of the public-house. A prominent Italian lady, the Marchesa di Rudini, is interesting herself in the formation of a ladies' club in Rome. It is to be limited to twenty-four members, and it is proposed to secure a club-house, golf-links, etc., outside the walls of the city. An interesting feature of the scheme is that husbands of married mem- bers are to be extra members of the club ex- officio. Æ For over forty years Miss Charlotte Knollys has been the Queen's intimate friend, confi- dante, and factotum. Her Majesty, like most women, is a believer in first impressions. ine moment ahe met Miss Knollys, when she landed in England as Princess Alexandra of Denmark, she was drawn to her, and from that day the Lady-in-Waiting has never once slept under a different roof from that of her Royal mistress. The newest- portrait of Queen Wilhelmina (says an authority on lady's dress) shows a singularly unbecoming coiffure. The hasty and careless manner in which the Royal lady's tresses are arranged cannot be concealed even by her tiara, with its large pearls. The young Queen has very charming features; but Hebe herself would look her worst witn a fringe so tightly frizzed above her forehead. Miss Mary Macarthur, who was recently en- tertained to dinner at the House of Commons under the presidency of Mr. Keir Hardie, was the first woman to be the guest of honour at an official Parliamentary dinner. This tall lady, who is the leader of the women's trade union movement, is a fine specimen of Scottish womanhood. She preaches Socialism, and has organised 6,000 girl workers at Dundee under the trade union banner. She is a splendid speaker, and is an authority on all Labour questions. While at Biarritz King Edward attended a First of April luncheon, which was held on the splendid park known as the Pare Aguilera. Along the middle of a table of twenty covers, at which the King was seated, was a miniature stream with flowery banks, in which fish gam- bolled in the midst of green aquatic plants; and on each plate was a fish containing jewels or other surprises." v # One woman who resides in Millionaire's Row," New York City, maintains a private dramatic critic in order that she may join in the small talk of current plays. She is not one of the newly rich, nor is she unlettered; in- deed, she is considered one of the brightest conversationalists in the 400. Since employing her private critic she talks of new plays bril- liantly, for on the morning after the produc- tion she is supplied with a type-written com- ment on the play, from which she gleans many original observations to parade before her friends. In England for many centuries the recog- I nised thing for a bride has been a wreath of orange blossoms, but in many countries the orange blossom is entirely tabooed. The Ger- man bride wears myrtle. The girl of the Black Forest takes the flower of the hawthorn—when she can get it. The brides of Italy and the French provinces of Switzerland use white roses. Spanish brides go in for pinks, carna- tions, and red roses. In Norway, Sweden, and Servia the bridal crown is of silver. The "ancient warrior queens" have their representatives nowadays, as we are reminded by the announcement that the Queen of the Netherlands has been appointed Colonel of the First Belgian Grenadiers by King Leopold. More than twenty of the royal ladies of Europe are colonels of regiments. The German Army has by far the greater number of these femi- nine colonels, each of whom is entitled to march at the head of the particular regiment of which she may hold the honorary command. There is even one lady admiral, Queen Olga of Greece, who is an admiral in the Russian Navy. Never tell your husband that you give him this or that for dinner because you know what is best for him. A man will willingly yield to the woman he loves-he will make any sacrifice she may require but he does not like to be told what is good for him. Of this he prefers to be the judge. Never complain of your husband because he now and then criticises your clothes or millinery. On the contrary, be pleased that he takes much notice of what you wear. Some husbands allow their wives perfect freedom in. this respect, for the simple reason that they are quite indifferent as to how they dress. Mrs. Adair, whose son has just been married to Miss Daisy Hoare, is one of the best-known Americans in London. When very young she married her first husband, Mr. Ritchie. Both her husband and her father fought in the American War, and both were killed in battle on the same dav. From her second marriage Mrs. Adair inherited an enormous fortune in money, estates in Ireland, and a ranch in Texas, comprising 1,250,000 acres. At one point on the estate is a signpost bearing the legend, "Eighty miles from this fence to head- quarters. Lady Ashburton, whose early friendship with Evelyn Nesbit has caused her name to be men- tioned in the Thaw case, was born Frances Emily Donnelly, of New York, and had a brief but brilliant career on the American stage. About 1900 she appeared in Miladi," a piece produced at the Victoria Theatre. New York. She next appeared, like Evelyn Nesbit, in Floradora," and it was at this poriod tlmt she made Mrs. Thaw's acquaintance, nhc Wlhi slid to be the prettiest actress on tho American stage. She came to London to act wMi Mr. Charles Hawtrey, and displayed r.%sl tu-Ient. In 1905 she entirely disappeared from thfl boards, and went to Paris to complete her edu- cation. The next that was heard of her was that she had married Lord Ashburton* at the English Church in the Rue d'AguaSfci^au,,

FUN AND FANCY. Kind Lady: "And are they good to you ir, the workhouse?" Tramp: "Oh, no, ma/am, they're werry cruel; they makes us wash our- selves." His Lordship: "Whatever could you have been thinking of to steal the sheep?" The Prisoner: "I dunno, my lord; I must lta; been wool-gatherin' Young Medica: "What is the secret ol your success?" Experienced One: "I make it a rule to find out what the patient wants to do, then I order him to do it." Master: "Tommy, if you gave your little brother nine sticks of peppermint and then took away seven, what would that make?" Tommy: "It would make him yell." Unsuccessful Sportsman (to gamekeeper): "When I was in Australia I shot the biggest kangaroo the natives said they ever saw!" Gamekeeper: "Ilindeed, sir! What was you a-hamin' at?" Mrs. Bjones: "I hear that young Mr. Sissy is still in search of a wife." Mrs. Jsmith: "Why, I thought he was married!" Mrs. Bjones: "So he was. She's left him. She's the one he's in search of." Mother: "Tommy, what did I say I'd do to you if you touched that jam again?" Tommy: "Why, if's funny, ma, that you should forget, too. I'm bothered if I can re- member "It's all very well, mamma, for you to draw terrible pictures; but did you never flirt when you were a girl?" "Yes, my dear, I did once." "And were you punished for it?" "I was; I married your father." "How is that little mining scheme of yours getting along? Any money in it?" "Any money in it? Well, I should say so! All of mine, all of my wife's and about three thou- sand that I got from my friends." Housemaid: "The postman brings me a letter from my young man every day, with heaps of kisses in it. Isn't it lovely?" Cook: "Yes, but it's much nicer for me. The post- man is my young man, and every day he kisses me himself." Footballer (who has met with an accident): "Is it a bad fracture, doctor?" Young Doc- tor (enthusiastically) "Bad? Why, it's beautiful, sir, beautiful! The bone is broken in no fewer than four places!" Mrs. Slough: "One of those burglars that broke into the house last night was kind- hearted." Mr. Slough: "How do you know?" "I heard him say, 'Sh! Be careful, or you'll w,-ka them up "Now, I have an impression in my head," said the schoolmaster. "Can any of you tell me what an impression is?" "Yes, sir, I can," replied a little fellow at the foot of the class. "An impression is a dent in a soft spot." Jumpuppe "Confound these theoso- phists." Jaspar: "Why?" Jumpuppe: "They convinced my wife that she had seven bodies, and she went off and bought a dress for each one" "Yes, Mr. Janjangles, I can always make my children go to sleep since you sent us a copy of your new lullaby," says the mother. "Ah! and do you sing it to them?" inquires the gratified author and composer. "No. If they are unruly I Just threaten to sing it, and they cuddle down and shut their eyes at once." A young man who had prolonged his call on his lady-love rather later than usual was surprised when a window in an upper storey was raised as he left the house, and the voice of the mistress of the house called out-- "Leave an extra quart this morning, please." No. 33: "What a fearful noise has been going on in your house lately." No. 35: "Yes, that fellow Bangoft, who is in the theatre-orchestra, owes me nearly £ 3, and as he says he cannot pay me, I am taking it out in lessons on his kettle-drums." Teacher: "Thomas, I saw you laugh just now. What were you laughing about?" Tommy: "I was just thinking about some- thing." Teacher: "You have no business thinking during school hours. Don't let it occur again." Bertie: "Father, what is an egotist?" Father: "He is a man who thinks he is smarter than anyone else." Mother: My dear, you aro scarcely right. The egotist is the man who says that he is smarter than anyone else-all men think they are!" Hostess: "I hope we shall see you again next Wednesday. I'm giving a dance." Mr. Young: "I'm awfully sorry, but I'm going to H wedding." Hostess: "Oh, indeed. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself far more." Mr. Young: "I'm not so sure. You see, it's my own wedding." Uncle: "Do all your aunts give you such nice presents, Tommy?" Tommy: "No, but Auntie Emily is my godmother, you see." Uncle: "Ah, yes, I had forgotten that." Tommy: "And I am afraid you have for- gotten that you are my godfather, too." A youth was introduced to an old lady as "brother of so-and-so, the artist." Instantly the exclamation followed: "I should have known the relationship by the resemblance. Why, it is positively startling! I never saw two faces more exactly alike, and "But," interrupted the youth, in a meek, small voice, "I am only his brother-in-law." "Wheh makes it all the more remarkable," continued the old lady, without the least hesitation. The grocer was dusting round for the third time, having nothing better to fl., when at last the long-expected customer appeared in the shape of a little girl. "Well, my dear?" said the tradesman interrogatively. "An egg's worth of tea, please," demanded the maiden, depositing an egg upon .e counter, "an' mother says, please weigh out an egg's worth of butter, 'cos the black hen is a cluckin' an' I'll be up again in a minute." "You promised to be a sister to me, didn't you, Miss Spinks?" said Henry at the even- ing party. "I did," replied Miss Spinks sweetlv. "You meant it, I supposed Cer- tainly;" "Then," said Henry, "I wish you to act the part of a sister by taking up the attention of that tiresome Miss Jones, and allowing me to devote myself to the charm- ing Miss Brown for the rest of the evening. Miss Spinks wishes that she had not so lightly assumed sisterly obligations. An old lady met a neighbour in the street one day, and was telling her about a recent bereavement. "Yes," she saId," our Bill died last week. That's five out of seven- gone, and now there's only me and old Joe left." Then she added, pathetically, "Only two left; I suppose I shall be the next to go." "Ah," said the neighbour, "I suppose you will. At any rate, cheer up; if you ain't, you'll be the next but one." Ellen, has George come home from school yet?" called Mrs. Smith to her ser- vant. "Yes, ma'am." "I haven't seen him." "How do you know, then, that he's home?" "Because the cat's a hidin' under tie dresiser."

EGG LAYING CAPACITY. II il Investigation of the capacity of bene to lay eggs results in the discovery that the eyg pro- duction of hens decreases considerably after the age of four. Thus, a hen lays annually at the age of one year about twenty eggs; at the age of two years, about 120; at the age of three years, about 135 at the age of four years, about 115; at the age of five years, about eighty; at the age of six years, about sixty.

THE COLORADO BEETLE. I The Colorado Beetle, which has again beent mentioned in a Parliamentary bill, was tho^ subject of special legislation in 1877, when ther farming interest throughout the country waff reduced to a state of panic over the discovery of several of these noxious insects in a Liver- pool cattle boat which had just arrived from Texas. Legislation was immediately pro- moted, but, fortunately, this became unneces- eary, as those which made their appearance- in this country were obviously only a. few stragglers. To the stringency of the regula- tions, however, was due the fact that it failed ( altogether to establish itself in Great Britain, it being made unlawful for any person to sell, keep, or distribute living specimens of the' Colorado beetle in any stage of its existence. The beetle was first described in 1824 from specimens found near the Upper Missouri, and it gradually moved eastward, until by the end of 1876 it had ravaged Canada from end to end.

FATTENING SHEEP ON SNAILS. I Most people would be horrified to hear that the finest mutton in the world comes from sheep fattened on snails," says a large breeder of Southdown sheep; "nevertheless, it is a fact. In seasons when snails are plenti- ful the mutton from our sheep has a delicious flavour which it never acquires from the most scientific form of feeding. On the Continent a diet of snails is a regular cure for consump- tives, and is said to fatten and nourish the body in a wonderful way. There is a popular superstition," he adds, "that the unique and. delicate flavour of Southdown mutton is due- largely to the quantity of wild thyme which they crop with the grass in their pastures. But, personally, I give the snails the greater part of the credit for the soft, plump flesh and the sweetness of flavour in our celebrated sheep. So much is this the case that the saying, 'Good snail year, good sheep year,' has- become almost a proverb among shepherds and breeders."

I BUTTERCUPS IN PASTURES. I However pretty an appearance buttercups | give to a pasture and to the country-side tbo { plants that produce these flowers are-- not only weeds pure and simple, but dangerous ones as well. This fact is clearly brought out in the annual report of the consulting: botanist to the Royal Agricultural Society. Last year inquiries were made of Mr. W. Carruthers as to the properties of a plant, which was believed to be the cause of scour in calves, and which was giving great trouble in rearing them. The meadow in which the plant was growing in considerable abun- dance was marshy, and the butter made from the milk of cows which fed in it had a de- cidedly bitter taste. The plant sent was spearwort (Ranunculus flammula), and the injuries complained of were those that would follow from the eating of the plant. Although. some farmers like to see buttercups in w, field, and consider them to be signs of a good' pasture, Mr. Carruthers points out that all* the species of ranunculus, called buttercups or spearworts, possess acrid properties, and' have not the slightest feeding value. They are usually rejected by animals, but young stock frequently eat them to their injury.

I IN PRAISE OF SHORTHORNS. In no trade with other nations does Great. Britain occupy a higher place than among the cattle-breeders; and among all the varie- ties of pedigree cattle for which this country is famous, no stock can boast of such world- wide reputation and assured success as the Shorthorn. Even in the uncivilised corners of the earth where the ranchman is pioneer, says Mr. G. H. Parsons in an article pub- lished in the "World's Work," these animals are known and have often made their way across the wilds. Their hardiness and adapt- ability to any climate makes it easy for the cattle-raiser to avail himself of their un- rivalled cross-breeding qualities and the suit- ability of their progeny for the butcher or the dairy. It is doubtful if the breed was. ever in a more prosperous position than it is to-day, and there seems every prospect of at continued demand for the best specimens, not only from the Argentine, but other coun- tries, which are fast realising the value of the "red, white, and roan."

[ POULTRY FATTENING. Certain birds are unsuitable for fattening purposes. All those intended for the fatten- ing pens must be in a fair state of health, on they will not stand the strain. Very wilt) birds will not fatten well. Feather-eaters must on no account be placed in the pens with other birds, says a Board of Agriculture leaflet, as they will worry them by continu- ally picking at their feathers. Fighters must also be excluded. Birds do not fatten well if confined singly, as they are apt to pine. When several are penned together they thrive much better, as, being somewhat greedy, the sight of other birds eating causes each bird to strive to obtain its share. This proves a healthy stimulus to the appetite. Experiments have been undertaken from time to time to determine the weight gained during the fattening period. There may sometimes be a loss during the first few days, as birds do not always take to the new state of things. But if weight is lost during the, first week, it is usually more than compen- sated for by the gain made in the second week.

I AN IMPORTANT POINT. A most important point to remember is- that on being first placed in the fastening, pens all birds must be fasted for at least 24. hours. If this is not done some birds may re- fuse to eat. Fasting stimulates the appetite' and induces the birds to commence feedingt after which little difficulty will arise. The cost of fattening will naturally vary. A farmer who has his own milk, etc., will fatten chickens more cheaply than the man who has to buy everything. It is estimated, however, that the cost of fattening a bird for three weeks is about, 5d. for food alone. Where outside labour is employed the total cost will probably be about 8d. per bird. »