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I ! "A RACE FOR A "DEANERY."

YANKEE YARNS. ..

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YANKEE YARNS. POO-TOOTLE. âThis is the way a New York wrekly journal describes a newly-arrived aesthetic ec:t.urer-" He stands six foot two in his stockings, has a pair of shoulders like a prize-fighter, wears his hair like a Crow Indian, emulates Sign or Marra, the photographic colourist, in the lowness of his shirt-collar, and suggests rather the solid Muldoon of the nineteenth century than a pen- sive and frenetic Florentine of the fourteenth." A GOOD IDEA. A member of the race of Moses who keeps a hand-me-down store on Main street, near the depot, wears a gorgeous diamond pin in his'shirt front. Last Tuesday a Christian gentleman went into the stores and made a small purchase. He noticed the pin, he admired it, and he ex- pressed his admiration. That is a very costly pin you wear," he remarked. Yah, dot ish von fine pin ?" Do you know what I should do if I owned such a pin ?" Veeping Rachels, vot you does if you owns dot pin, eh 1" I'd wear a clea-a shirt so that it might have a better setting." And the believer in the Trinity just reached the door in time to avoid the scissors, which Mr Moses threw at him. THE COMIC SIDE OF POLYGAMY. I There is a comic as well, as a pathetic sido;to Mormon polygamy. Among the Mormon women in Utah was one who accepted i in full faith the polgyamic revelation. She had found in poly- gamy an ample compensation in the supposed right of the first wife to choose her husband's succeeding wives. This was her argument-II If the first wife selects the other wives, it has the effect of showing them that the husband thinks much of her judgment, and is willing to ab.de by it, and that they will have to do the same. This is, of course, as it should be. But, if she lsts her husband choose his own wife, he is almost csrtain to take a fancy to some one whom the firs wife does not like at all, and consequently her utho- rity is undermined. The first wife ought to have all the power in her own hands" The sequel of this lady's story is extremely ludicrous. After she had chosen two other wives for her husbaid, he was so perverse as to choose a fourth for hinself, the fourth being not at all to her liking, as sle her- self admitted. This is her own account (f the matterâ"41 tell you, said I,' I'm quite disgisted with you-a man with three wives-and me roe of themâto go talking twaddle to a clattering htssey like that,with her cat s eyes and red hair! Gold- en hair, my dear,' he said; Charlotte's har is golden.' I say red-it's straight, staring red- red as red can be, I told him and then we lad a regular fight over it. I don't mean that we cane to blows, but we had some hot words; and he went out and left us two alone. Then that yomg hussy was impudent; and I don't know how it was, but somehow, when we lett off our conven- tion, I found some of Charlotte's red hair between my fingers and ther# she said innocently, holc- ing out quite a good sized tuft of auburn hair- thereâI put it to you, Sister Stonehouseâis that red, or is it not ?" FILIAL DEVOTION. I Not long ago a young man married and started for California with his wife. On leaving the old home his father bade him good-bye and gave him the parental blessing. My son," said the aged sire, shaking with emotion, "remember these words if you never see me again, Neve? into a place where you would not take your wife." The couple settled in Mariposa County, and within a year the old man went out to them. lli proposed a \o",r hunt, and they were fortunate enough to track a grimly to his lair among some )f the boul- ders in the chaparral. A* the two appnached, the bear roused up and sent forth a growiof defiance which shook the trees. Go in theia and kill 'im said the old man excitedly. 'loe son held back, further acquaintance with the 1>I»t "ocxiiing in some respect undesirable. Count me out, he said. 44 Have I crossed the seas and settled in America to raise a coward ?" shouted the father, brandishing his gun. 411 but recollect your ad- vice when I left home." was the reply. How can I forget your sage precepts ? Didn't you tell me never to go into a place where X couldn't take my wife? ISow how would Sal look in there with that bear?" The old man clasped his dutiful son to his bosom, and, as the bear issued forth, ex- claimed, Speaking of Sally, let us hasten home our prolonged absence mig'ht cause her neeedless alarm." In about fifteen minutes they had reached the ranch, the old man a HttJe ahead, and the distance was about four miles. A NRAIt SHAVE. NVIIlt I nm about to relate," writes a travel- ler, "happened in a, rough mining town in Colorado. There was a sratld ball at the ranch of Whisky .Jack, a well-known character in the 4 die'gmg'V and the Hits of the district responded to the call in full force. The party was held in a rickety old barn belonging to the host, and, with a few red strips of flannel, a grotesque accumula- tion of mountain roses, and a rov of dripping candles, the appointments of the place were per- fect. My first partner in the giddy dance was the wife of the man who killed the viiaj;e postmas- ter because he refused him a letter; slle was fat, fair, and forty, and danced with the grace ot a cow. _My next partner was the 0, 1 of this charming pair, a young girl just bursting into the Jo valines.* of womanhftud Blw wa badly freckled, and sported a wart on her nose. MV net part. ner was a blooming grass widow, a fresh arrival; and then I rested. I began to Comment ,on new faces in the room. My companion in this plea. sant pastime was a heavy-bearded minef> uncouth, roughly dressed, tobacco-slobbered, and.velT Pr(> fane. This was our first meeting, and I hoped it would be the last. 4 There goes a hard-looklllg r, case,' I whispered, as the wife of the man (wbp killed the postmaster sailed by she's bad 'un'. 'Yas,'replied the man. 'I'd hate to have the crit- ter stop on me. What an elegant target she would make f, a poor marksman!' 'Yes,' I said, and turned my eyes on a tall raw-boned creature sailing towards us, supported by a little man with sandy whiskers and red-top boots. 9, Here comes the boss.' 'How?' The boss, I say ain't she a lovely chimpanzee?' A what ? Chimpanzee He glared at me a woment and then reached for his revolver. Wha.t 18 a Chim- panzee?' he growled fiercely, his red eyes grow- in large. I saw that I had made some mistake, and hastened to explain. '\Vhy-why,' 1 stam- mered, backing off, 4 a chimpanzee is a lovely creature found in Africa-nothing so gorgeously beautiful as a chimpanzee That is the highest compliment a lady can receive,' 'Oh! and the man looked relieved. 4 Yas, I think so myself stranger she is a lovely chimpanzee- She's my wife.' HAD TO WATCH HE#- An old man and his wire were wanting aiong the street. The wife persisted in looking back every time she passed a, woman. What makes you carry on that way ?" asked the old fellow. 44 1 reckon I want to see Danl." But you don't hafter act like a cow that's bothered with hoss flies. Folks'll think you never was in town before." Well, now, jes' shet your tnouth. I come here to see. You're alius a fussin' an a fussin', and nobodv can't have no peace with you. If I want to see how a woman's dress sets it ain't none o' your business, so there." Wall, if you must see how all the dresses set, let's stand here till everybody -its dun goin' by. It's distressin' to me to see you twist your neck round that way. 44 Dan'l, for the goodness sake, hush. will think that we live like cats an' dogs. 1 do think a man is the beatenes' thing I ever saw. Fuss, fuss, from mornin' till night. Now, look at you, what air you g-azin' at ?'. Lookin' at a set o' harness hangin' up thar. Folks will think you are crazy if you carry on that way." Don't mind me," said the old man. 44 An' don't you mind me," replied his wife. 44 I have to mind you when you twist your neck and hold your head to one side like a goose. You're in danger o' hurtin' yourself- It's business with me, for I am lookin' out for a set o' harness." Meeting a fashionable dressed lady, the viÃe looked back. but striking an uneven place or the sidewalk, fell sprawling on the ground. Thar exclaimed the old man, withot" rr i. i. iâ ttrtw j.ui Ijorri iiig an eriorr tt, wu, tu- fetches everything 'round all right!" 44 My goodness said the old with difficulty, 44 it mighty nigh killed 44 Of course it did, an' it sarves J'ou exac^ right. Reckon you'll know how t" act ding it. GApe an' gaze; gape ai t is a wonder that von hain't bGen kIlled, Dan'l, for the Lord's sake, don t scolf ou dont do nothin' but fuss an' fuss all the Tii> old man did not reply. He was l<K>king at a sada« hanging out in front of a shop, btepping on a piece of orange peel, his heels new ttp and he came dow, with an awful thump. â ' Good gi^cious, are you hurt, Dan'l'' The old mai groaned, and scuffling to his feet said: Hurt V that's a putty question to ask a dead man. W dl, this th last time you ever coine to wiHt -v. a body â¢.v.fcdim* you so closv l'e OKTVJ set5, how ho walks." Uan'l don't tuss* ''Come on. Lcs's gjt them muie.s an'git outen nere, 1 n,ver saw sich '')m:1:: in my lite,"

1 CARDIFF SCHOOL BOARD.

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