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OLR SMRT STORY. OUR SHOT STORY.…

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OLR SMRT STORY. OUR SHOT STORY. I THE BLANK FILE. I —'— ? I By PEAREES \V[THEBS. L, I The OfEcer Commanding our V.T.C platoon always compiaHiing.in'his own gentle way, about tne iLTt'gular attendance vi GUt' lllLHber. "'1 OU ougut t,o turn up ii) greater strength," he murmura. "Tht Ut.tUlc.i.llC. i", hot at llil good." I don't altogether approve of the O.C. choice of wurù; but 1 endorse hid cpinuu. U only 1 cuLtUt tuin up in greater btreng:h mytyeii 1 i l',I¡' twopence what liie otner ieil.jv.s did, ur what tae drill-sergeant L.s to do; but my physical standard seems tu navj LA''( ÍL decided or c-ii- ó<:ut, a u. !lot ll the patent medicines in the W oùd Cdl im prove it. i ve tr.ed to 'i Uick .marcn ou. Ua.sh Vegetable Tonic and t.o on Blank's Purple Pills for Pallid .tr'n\a.-es, but i &c:iti:iLe to crawl home ex- haUSLeti eVd'Y drill 'do-ht. 1 dou't know wnat me f:,l a(-ngtl1" of our platoon may be, but i Knuw that. t.iie strength. that tur.id up .c-n 1< n",<.J.V ni(r.lts i. <LlwaYs either too ILUC-,I or too little for inc. The (j.C. io quite convinced that it i", too little for him, I am not so exacting', lie think.- impersonally of the roll-call; I think 01 my o.a personal i. uie itis a ca'-c cf "the little more and how much it is, the little less ai:d what worlds (of woe) a% 0 r sis an cdd platoon—as anyone who has seen it &u parade M readv to ac?no.v-e'lgc—but it doggedly persists in gettin g c\eu before I arrive. If it got even with me, 1 snould be happy; but it gets even without mc, and that is the tragedy of mv V.'i.C. c.-i'ecr. I am always a blank t, I think, perhaps, if I coii:d manage to get to the drill-hall in good time I L:igllt TR'anage to cheat my fate; but I never g'et there in I liH two mje, away, and usually arrive in breathless condition after the rc.'l h.'s been caMed and everybody has numbered on. If the O.C. didn't seem so pleased to r;ee me I d'u't think I should turn up at ail. The ianks arc -nice and complete without me, whether their strength is satisfactory or net. and I am only 0 a sort of human i'n as well M an interruption. After I the O.C. with a grin, the halts -the phttoon. and nmkcd T.om for me. This is very kind of him. but he makes too much room. He creates a .-pace f-cr me in the front rank and in the rear rank at the enne time. And I spend thereat of the evening trying to short legs' 'What I ca'nno. understand is why there. is revc'r. by any chance, a gap in the rear rank .v::i': ng pf.tiently fcr my arrival. If only one more or one less man would go tr* drill when I do I should be able to do my bit plus physical fatigue. As it I do two b:ts with one body and OL'e pair of legs—and I find it altogether toom'tchforme. Before I joined the V.T.C. I hadn't th<. ghost of a notion 'hnt a, blank file might be. I wb'h I were still as innocent. For "blank Ii J: is t'bc military name for a man in the front rank who has only a space behind him in the rear rank where another man ought to be. The idea of the authori- ties is that the leading rank should always present a bold and complete front to the Rags of all nations ún the walls of the drill- hall, and that all the defect-! of the platoon should be hidden away behind. This is quite nil right as lortg as you are advanc- ing, but v.hon you can't advance any longer because the wall is in the way. and the drill-sergeant bellows 'Bout turn'. the rear rank becomes the leading rank— with a hole in it. It thereupon becomes your duty, as a blank ale, to nil that hole before anyone has time to notice it; and in our pLltcJll this isn't a 'bit easy, because the two ranks are nearly always a couple of yards away from one another. Instead of two-feet six, and the hole is full of the arms and clbow.s of the men on either side of it. "'Up, blank nie'" roc.rs the drill-sergeant. It is then. and only then, that I real, hate our drill-sergeant. He is quite a nice chap, but he doesn't make any allowance for my legs. He thinks I've forgotten my duty when all the while I am making 'frantic efforts to cope with it. All the way upthenoorlam striving frantically to catch up to the leading rank, and the leading rank is telling me <s plainly as its backs can speak that it <Ioe-n t want me and. doesn't mean to have me. A):d then, just as I manage to tread on Private Bailey's heels to warn him th<-t. I am on the point of arrival and need .some of the space he is unlawfully occupying, 'Bout—tur-rn I" thunders the drill-spr. geallt,lld off I go down the, room scurry- ing after the heels of the very men I've been so strenuously endeavouring to leave behind. Omcially a blank n.le ought a lways to be in the rank that is leading, be that rank the original front or the origi';ai rear ra'ik; but actually I spend most of my timc between the lines, gasping for breat h and perspiring at every pore.. makes roo-m fcr me, ss already described, he doesn't follow anv knowu military rule. For instance, ho dcsn't make me the third man from the ? left. or the fourth from the right, or any- thing like tht. He just glances down tim line till his eyes light on a spot whereby thinks he would like b; see me perform, s;)d then he orders everybody to make rco]?, tind hits the ilcor with his little cane and says, "FaH in here"' I notice, however, that. he usually manages to put me between the two tallest men or the two stoutest meu in the platoon, presumably because I am nearly the shortest and certainly the thin- ntot, and this adds to the comic effect ci my everts. It doesn't make any d;4- -once wl-ietl-er youare! seven-blank or eight-blank when you are drilling in two-deep formation, but -,t world cf dilEcrence when 'vpu form fours. If you are eight-blank you take your "one pace to the rear with your left foot, one pace to the. right with the right foot, and close the heels at the word of command, and become a sort cf double-blank when you get the command "l.t the hatt on the right form platoon, because you have a long way to go and aren't at all sure of your destination. Ii, on the 'other hand, you happen to be aevc?:- blank in a platoon that has manfully mu'- tered seventeen strong, you are in for & very unhappy time indeed. You certainly stand fast at the order to form fours, bllli that is about the 'only bit of standing fa& you get a chance to do. It would take a working drawing to show the movements you are expected to make on the revere, and a whoLe set of plans and elections to show tim movements you. usually succeed i:i making. \VhEU our corporals are given an evening's practice In ordering us a bout ("disordering us about" would be more descriptive) my cup of pain is full to the brim. For then we go in a,:ciiing, marching all the time"— with complications such as only a Y.T.C. corpota! knows how to create. Corpora! Ely the. in my judg-ment, ought to be promoted to qiiartermaster-cergeant, because then he wouldn't have to attempt to drill us at all. He Is a very amiable fellow, and he take-! his job very seriously; but he hasn't any voief,, and he lacks the courage of his military ideas. He starts out, in a whimper, to tell us to "Advance in fours by the right," then suddenly looks :'I¡;;k'1nc at the dr'II-sei'geant, bccom-os Burned, and leaves it; at that. "Zhwbere promptly bawls the watchful and as we were probably quick marching we go on quick marching till Corpora.! Biythe whispers something else which we fail to hear, whereupon the drill-sergeant yells, 'Bout tur-rn:" and .oif we go aga-m; with the inevitable result that 1 becou.e a blanker and blanker file as the evening ad vances and our platoon advances and retires. Corporal Madden, on the other hand, is more merciless than the driil-ooergeant, In th. days when Corpora.l Madden wa<s a private Sergeant Strong wa.s a corporal, and :crg.¿ant Srong made a positive hobby 01 right inclining and left inclining. He keeps a grocery stores, and I think he acquired this. uncomfortable hobby through having to rigtit incline himself from the door of his own sliOp-pariour to the door of his own. shop. in any case, since he has been pro- moted lie 'seems to have bequeathed his hob jy to Corporal Madden. I wi=h he hadn't' It is not a particularly casy tning for anyone to right incline or lett incline, judging by the contortions of our platoon; but it is ca,ier for a camel to go tnrough the eye of a needle than for a blank file to do it. Added to which, in our platoon, I am always the blank file! "Quick march Right in-cline!" howls Corporal Madden in wha.t he imagines to be an imitation of the drill-sergeant's battle- roar. ""Bout tur-r-n! Left in-cllne"' howls Co7poral Madden. And IL-lieii I turn round to mid half the platoon h: front of me in- htead of the gap that ought to be there for me to nil. And it becomes necessary for me to execute a sort of visiting figure out of the Lancers Jn order to get to the front low. Before I am half-way there the platoon is trying to left incline in the cppo- I i¿> direction, and has become a rabble. I know Corporal Madden docs it on pur- pose, because be came up to me after we b.d heea dismissed the other Friday and said, with a cold-blooded chuckle: "Poor old blank nie, you're not a b;<; wril-inclined, are you?" "Xot towards you, you massive brute"' I retorted feelingly. Personally I am of the opinion that when yo;i are a blank file every drill ought to cf).:nt as two drills. And even then I'd cooner not be one!

IHOSPITAL SHIP CRIME.I

THE ENTENTE OF -COMMERCE.…

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-FUN AND FANCY, j *"* .. !

NOTES ON NEWS. -1

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. H?ME RULE FOR INMA.I I.…

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lOBSCENE LETTERS BY POST.I

' CIVIL PENSION DECLINED.

I YCUNG MUNITION WORKERS.

I APPELLANT'S RIGHTS.

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