I FUN AND FANCY. I..|1917-06-01|Monmouth Guardian and Bargoed and Caerphilly Observer - Welsh Newspapers Online
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I FUN AND FANCY. I Miss Paesex: Do you think it is bad Aick to postpone a wedding? Mr. Batch: | "Not if you postpone it of tea enough." Magistrate: "I hope I shall not see you here again." Hard Case: "Not see me I here agaiu Why, you ain't going to resign, I are Y(-)u? Turke "I wonder where Scribblor got the character of that peculiarly detestable villain I in his new uovoi." Burke; "Oh that's a portrait of the publisher who refused his first book I" "Mamma," complained a little OM To- cently, "teacher won't let me sing any more, and I'm the fastest singer in school, too! Lady "I'm worried about my completion, doctor. Look at my face f" Doctor: "You'll have to diet." Lady: "I never thought of that. What colour would Buit me best, do you think? Teacher: "Now, children, if you want to learn anything' well you must begin at the bottom." Boy fat loot of cla8): "How about swimming, teachort Mies Huggins "My father is very good at reading facec. Mr. Kiasam: "Then I had I better not print any kisses on yours! "But, father," protested the swoet young thing, "you have to dress this way these days to catch a husband." "You stand a bett-er chance of catching oold," replied the father. He had ueed persuasion and argument it vain. At last he said in desperation: "Gladys, if you will marry me I will take out £ 100,000 of life insurance; if I die you will be safe from want." "Yes," was the reply, "but what if you don't diet "Mother doesn't think she'll go to the ¡ theatre with us to-night, Albert." crl8 that so 9. I have got three tickets. What shall I do with the third cnet "Give it" to the man you always go out to see between the ac-te. He can sit with us, and you won't have to go out to gee him." New Lady Border "Meroy What thick, heavy coffee cups they use here." Old Boarder: "Yes; the idea is that your arm will get eo tired lifting one cup you won't ask for a second." "Which eort of tea will you have, air green or black? said the shopman. Here I was a dilemma, but a bright idea came to the mere man-shopper. "Oh, we had better have black," he said; "it is for & funeral." Alfred "Dad, where is Utopia? Dad "Utopia is the place where people lire vp te the advice they givo others, my son." "I don't see Old Giles round at your hones at nights now." "You don't.' "How'e that? I thought he came every night to talk with you about the war? "He did, till his missus told mine that he always raked out their fire before coming to sit with me. I'm not having any feller oomin' sit- ting at my fire coal-saving." The Marketer: "Aren't you waiting & good deal of that steak in trimming it? The Butcher: "No, ma'am. I weighed it first." "I hope," said the governor to the de- parting convict, "that you won't go back to your old associations." "No, propose to associate myself with anybody who didn't have the advantages of just as good a prison as I had." Blayne: "A can picture—eh? A man lol- ling in an easy chair, and his wife leawng over him to light his cigar." Payne: You haven't seen the companion picture to it, have you?" Blayne: Why, no!" Psyne: "It's the same man savagely chewing the I end of a cigar and writing a cheque. "What is-the matter with your wifef I see she's got her hand in a slint. "Beet. lees driving." "Horaat" "No, nail I Mrs. Nexdoor: "How it old-Mr. BLOUQI- bnggs this morning? Mra. I haven't heard, but. I noticed that Doctor Bigfee looked" very gloomy when he jdt the Mor.evbaeffs' residence a little "while ago." Mrs. Nudoor: cr Ah then the dmz old gentleman is getting better." "My dear," said Mr. Hawkins to hie bet- ter half the other evening, "do you know that TOU have one of the best voioes in the world"? "Indeed?" replied tite deught-ed f Mr. Hawkins, with a flush of pride at the I compliment. "Do you really thiDk sot" i certainly do," continued the heartless nue- band, ( otherwiBe it would have been worn out long ago." Sandy and Pat were discussimf the war economies of their respective landladies. ln- dade," "ffspat, "the other day Oi eew that wumman OUjrjrady oenntfia' the to Put in the broth." "Och," replied Bandr, "thatV«aethin\ Where I am the landlady melte the margarine an* paints it oa yor bread wi' a brush!" The old soldier was again gfvlng  youngster accounts of the wondew he had exixrienced, e?speciall in the way of chmà t. Said }w: "I remember whe? we w^re In Fvzardum we used to toMt our bread in the siiii, and-" Youngster (interrupt- ingi Yes I know, and you were supplied with corkscrews to draw your breath. An inspector was visiting a country school- He was asking some of the children quee- tions. After a while -he said to a junior class: "Now, I want some of you to ask me a question that I can't answer." After a few vain attempts a small bey said, COPloage, sir, if you were stuck in a pool of mud up to your netk and a brick was thrown at your lead, would you duckt" H: "I understand that a doctor and & chauif Me suitors ?r Miss Shapely« hand? She: "Ye?, md she nn<? it awfully hard to choose between them, for thej vi both audi killing HARMLESS PEOPLE. If, with the bofet intentions, we can only manage to dec-erve the epithet of "harin- it I' hardly worth while to have lived iu the world at all. A man, if he is a must in some way or shape do a UX'H work. If after making all the effort tu.^t- his strength of body and of mind per- p^ite, he yet hoiiourahiy fails, why, he still is entitled to a certain share of respect be- he has made the effort. But if he Q"' not make the effort, or if he makes it hilf-hc.irtcdJy, and recoil from the labour, th-o risk, or the irl,sniiie monotony of his why, he has forfeited all regard to our i, and ha s -,ho,,vu himself to be a mere lumberer of theseirtli, It is not given to us all to succeed, but it is given to us all to strive manfully to deserve success.— j'h-rrKloro Roosevelt. THE LAW OF LOVE. Each tender deed and tone. Each wo-d, thought, sacrifice, that helps the world By loving kindness, iige, and eharity; Nav. "even one cup of water"— so He said. Given in "My Name"—brings glimpse of God. and leads Nearer and nearer to the law of love, Which shall be justified, when all is known, And the Eternal Wisdom whispers low Ita secret to the soul. —Edwin Arnold. WITH A LIMIT. No man is ever good for much who has not been carried off his feet by enthusiasm between twenty and thirty but it needs to be bridled and bitted.-r,roude, I LIBERTY. Personal liberty is a right of doing what- ever the law permits and if a citizen could dc what the law forbids, he would be no longer possessed of liberty. ENTHUSIASTS. What should we do were it not for the enthusiasts? How slowly the tired old world would move did not the enthusiasts keep it rushing along! Columbus, Harvey, Galileo, Wirherfc-rce, the Pilgrim Fathers, John Bun- yan were enthusiasts—fanatics, and met the fate of such. -Do you thank heaven you are not a fanatic? Don't do that It may be TOU could not be an enthusiast if you would. [leaven is not particular when it wants a weathervane-; almost any man will do for th-.it. But when it wants an enthusiast, it look., rery c-arefully for the be6t man in the community. Pofore you thank Heaven you aro not a fanatic, examine yourself care- fully. and eee what is the great deficiency that debars you from such promotion.—R. J. Burdette. A FLOWER. Flower in the crannied wall, I pluck you out of the crannies, I hold you here, root and all, in my hand, Little flower-but if I could understand What you are, root and all, and all in all, I shouki know what God and man is. -Tenn,Toon. ONE EDITION ONLY. Life is a book of which we have but one edition. Let each day's action, aa they add their pages to the indestructible volume, be such as we shall be willing to have an aii- sembled world to read. PRAYER. That prayer, sooner or later, is answered, to all who have prayed earnestly and con- stantly, is, in different degrees, a matter of personal experience. They who never prav, or who never pray with the humility, confidence, and importunity that wins its way to the heart of God, cannot speak from experience as to the effects of prayer; nor are they in a position to give credit, with generous simplicity, to those who can. But at best, on such a subject as this, the voice of the whole company of God's servants may be held to counterbalance a few a priori sur- mi,,(\ or doctrines; and it is the very heart of humanity itself which from age to age mounts up with the Psalmist to the Eternal Throne—"O Thou that heare6t prayer, unto Thee shall all flesh come."—Liddon. LET 00 ME WHAT MAY, 0 let the solid ground Not faH beneath my feet Before my life has found What some have found so sweet; Then let come what come may, What matter if I go mad, I shall have had my day. Let the sweet heavens endure, Not close and darken above me Before I am quite Mire That there Is one to love me; Then let come what come may, To a life that has been so sad, I shall have had my day. Tennyson. SENSE OF EASE. There is iio sense of ease like the ease felt in those scenes where we were born, where objects became dear to us before we had known the labour of choice, and where the outer world seemed only an extension of our own personality; we accepted and loved it as we accepted our own sense of existence and our own limbs.-George Eliot.