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ABEBOftftVE MD COLSM. I <…

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YSTRADGYflLAIS NOTES. j I…

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CRYNANT. I

WOUNDED OFFICERS IN DICTATION.

THE SUPPRESSED LABOUR PAPER.I

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WIT AND HUMOUR

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WIT AND HUMOUR Teacherâ"What is the difference between 'I will hire a taxi, and I have hired a taxi?' Small Boy-"A shilling a mile." First Friendâ"Smythe claims to be a poet." Second Friendâ"I wouldn't mind his claiming to be a poet, if he didn't try hard to prove it." Shop Assistantâ"This stove is the t best on the-market. It. is the stove of economv-it will save half the coal bill. 1, Pat-"Well, give me two of thim, I and I'll save it all!" A gentleman entered a hairdresser's shop and told the barber to cut his hair a la. mode. The barber set to work and completely cut all his hair off. The gentleman looked in the mirror. "Why ou earth did you cut mv hair like that t' he demanded. "I cut it as you ordered it." answered the barber. "I understood you to say you wanted it all mowed." Mikeâ"Shure, Pat, it's slow work breaking stones, isn't it?" Patâ "That it is. Shure and if I hadn't stopped the clock we'd never have got finished by midnight." A chronic dyspeptic staying with a friend at the seaside, said to his host, "I took a couple of tablespoonfuls of salt water from the sea yesterday, and thought I derived benefit from it. Do you think I might take some more?" "Well," replied the host. "I don't think a couple more would be missed." A school class had been accustomed to sing each afternoon a short hymn | one line of which ran. "Weak and sin- ful though we be." On a new teacher taking charge she was puzzled at the ch ildren's very indefinite articulation of this line, an on investigating found that nearly half the class had been rendering it, "We can sing, full though we be! Teacherâ" Jane, can you ten me who succeeded Edward the Sixth-" Lucy, who folk wed Mary?'' Lucy (absent-mindedlv)â" Her little lamb!" "You mean to say. Pat, that you feed your pigs one day and starve them the next; whatever for?" "Sure. sorr, and ain't it. that I like bacon with z sthreak of fat and a sthreak of lean equally?" At a recent election a lady can- vasser was so voluble in her advocacy of the candidate's claim that a grumpy elector declared she would "talk the hind leg off a donkey." "Well," she replied, "it would give me much more pleasure to drive you to the polling station than to the hospital." A schoolboy once handed in a written medical certificate to excuse his non- attendance, which ranâ"I certify that this boy is unfit to attend school for three hundred and four days." The schoolmaster thought it odd that the period should be so long and, at the same time, w particularly stated and, upon, inquiry, it turned out that the doctor Ila(, Written "3 or 4" days, which the boy had altered to three i hundred and four! Little Bessieâ"Mamma, how'll I know when I'm naughty ? Mother- "Your conscience will tell you, dear." Little Bessieâ"I don't care about what it, tells me; will it tell you?" Father, to sonâ"Who made this large inkmark on your exercise-book?" Sonâ"Oh, father, you know there is a little black boy sits next to me, and this morning his nose bled!" One day the arm came off one of little Annie's dollies, exposing the saw- dust stuffing. "Well, you dear, obed- ient dot V 1" exclaimed Annie. "I knew I had told you to chew your food ifne, but I didn't think you ^ould chew it so fine as that!" "Prysical culture is delightful!" said a young rirl enthusiast. "To develop the arms I grasp this rod by one end and raov-j it slowlv thus from right to left!" "Well, well!" exclaimed the father. "What will science discover next? If that rod had bristles at the other end you'd be sweeping!" First Studentâ"How near were you to the right answer to the fifth ques- tion P" Second Studentâ "Two seats away." "NOt". h, said the mistress. "are these r ench sardines that you have given me?" "Sure, Oi don't know, ma'am," said the new maid; "they were pasht spakin' whin we opened the tin! Motherâ"I gave each of you boys an orange. Charles, vou said you wouldn't eat yours till after dinner. And vou. Jack, said the same. Have vou deceived me?" Charlesâ"No. mother we didn't eat our oranges. I ate Jack's and he ate mine!"

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