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""'-.!'.Iod"L_ FUN AND FANCY.

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"Iod" L_ FUN AND FANCY. Alg-y: "Myrtle, what are your objections to marrying mo?"âMyrtle: "I have only one ob- jection, Algy. I'd have to live with you." "What! Your husband is dead?"â"Yes; a year ago. And last week-1 married again."â "My sincerast condolence and heartiest con- gratulations." I Mrs Jones (going out): "You won't be lone- ly, dear, will you?"âMr. Jones: "No. ducky. I shan't miss you at all. The parrot's here, you know." Teacher: "Tommi, you shou!d have known better than to fight with that Williams boy."â Tommy: "I know, ma:am; but I thought I could lick him." Cora: "Have you seen my new photographs, dear? Everyone says they look rxactiy like me."âDora: "What a lwnJC: Can't you get. another fitting?" Author: "Have you road nsy new booirVâ â do- you think-of .;(: -Vell,'t(¡ be candid with you, I think the cover; 'fire too fal- apart." "Why a-0 lyoii civil that cow of yours 'Maud'?" r inqui¡"ed rh-e Visttor.Becauso," replied t!m farmer with a weary sigh, "she is always com-" ing into the garden."â"G'cbe." lie: "I wonder whv it is they always-sjxjak of the 'blushing bride?' -She: "There's no- thing very remarkable about it. considering the kind of men some women marry." I Undoubtedly.â"What bone is the 'bone of contention' asked young hopeful, looking up from, his book.â"The jaw-bone, my son." re- plied his father solemnly, "the jaw-bone." Mrs, Upson: "I suppose ,vou have a first- .clasis cioaufiteuv?"âMrs. Newrich "Yes, indeed: we havj one of solid mahogany, v'ith five drawers and a French plate glass mirror on top." "These sectional book-cases are fine things. You can start i.n a small way. and add to them as you can afford it."â"Good idea. Why doesn't somebody invent a sectional hat for ladies?" Mr. Whiffle (reading): "The Empress of Aus- tria suffers from insomnia." â Mrs. WhiiTle (meditatively): "Well, no wonder. I'm sure if I was an empress I'd be so proud of it, I wouldn't sleep a wink." "Ah! proud beauty!" exclaimed little Sniff. kins, "you spurn my love now, but. let me''tell you, I will not always be a clerkâI â "â "That's so," interrupted the heart!e-j girl, "you may lost your job." "And why," the teacher continued, "should wc hold the aged in respect?"âCause it's mostly the old men that has all the money," Tommy answered. And the teacher wasn't able to offer any better reason. "Do you know where my pc-or ugly little duckling is?" asked the distressed mother duck. "All. madam," replied the polite but still hun- gry fox, "I have inside information on that point; T'OU will scon meet, your little one." An Indiana woman, as she examined ih-a fowl brought from the market, said to her little son "Did the grocer tell you this turkey was quite fresh?"â"No'm." the boy answered; "he just said to hurry home with it as fast as I could." Judge (to prisoner just condemned to death): "Ycu have r,he legal right to express a last wish, and, if it is possible, it will be granted." âPrisoner (a barber): "I should like just one more chance to be allowed to shave the district I attorney." Puff em: "You know that box of cigars you gave me on my birthday?" Mrs. l'uffem: "Yes."âPuffem: "Well, I took them down to the office, and a thief stole them."âMr. Puff- em: "I'm awfully sorry."âMr. Puffem: "0 am Iâfor the thief." I "Had you the audacity, John," said a Scot- tish laird to his servant, "to go and tell some people that I was a mean fellow, and no gen- .tlcman'"â"N-a, na," was the reply, "you'il no' catch me at the like o' that. [keel) ma thoughts to mysel' Little Boy: "Our cook has gone away, and I'm awful glad. Now mamma, wiU have to make the cako, and mamma's cake is always heavy."âGuest: "Well, I declare! Do you prefer heavy cake?"âLittle Boy: -,Yes'ln.. l,'ou get more chewin' in one piece." "It was as much as I could do to keep from laughing when Miss Guscher remarked that her fiancee was 'so versatile.' "â"Meaning Duin- ? a ley? Well, b is rather versatile." â "Non- sense! He's a regular idiot."â"Yes; but he's so many different kinds of an idiot." An Irish recruit was ones brought up for breaking into barracks; that is, getting over the wall instead of entering by the gate. "But, Murphy, said the ofiicer, "though you were late, you should have come in by the gate."â"Pla-i-se, yer honour," said Murphy, "I was afraid of waking the Gentry." A certain celebrity found himself at a city banquet next to a portly alderman. "My grandfather knew Napoleon," said the latter to the distinguished guest. "The Emperor gave him a lovely snuff-box. There is a hen on the lid." "Dear me!" replied the celebrity. "But it is probably an eagle, not a hen." "No, it is a hen," persisted the alderman, pro- ducing the box from h5 pocket, and proudly displaying the initial "N" of the Emperor's name in biilllants on the lid, A boy of eight aid to his mother: "Well, there were only three boys in school to-day U'C' who could answer one question that the teach- er asked us."â"And I hepe ray, bfcy..vra.s- the three," said the proud mother.â"Yos, fctt I was," answered Young Hopeful, "and Sam Harris and Harry Stone were the other two." -"I am very glad you proved yourselfso good a scholar, my son it makes your mother proud of you. What question did the teacher ask. Johnny?"â"Who broke that glass in the back window." HIMROD'S CtmE FOB ASTHMA.âEstablished over ï a quarter of a century.âPrescribed by the Medical Faculty throughout the world. It is used as an in- halation. and without any after bad cfl'ects. Testi- monials of efficacy from the late Lord Beaconsficid, Miss Emily Faithful], Sir Morel Mackenzie, and Oliver Wende" Holmes. Trial samples tree by post. In tins at Is. od. British Depot, 46, Holborn Via- duct, London; and also of Newber.y. Barclay, Sang, ers, Edwards, May, Roberts, Butler and Crisps, Thompson, Liverpool; and all Wholesale Houses.

Welsh National Pageant Points.

EVENTS OF THE WEEK.

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RITON FERRY V. PLYMOUTH (MERTHYR).

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BLACKWOOD V. BEAUFORT, I

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Thi9 Week's Cricket Fixtures.…

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BLACKWOOD V. BEAUFORT, I