Barry Herald

WHEN a woman runs it is a mean man who will use his camera. J:. { 1 t. ¡

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AMERICAN HUMOUR. I WON'T submit to being turned away," said the disappointed arrival at the hotel. See here—I'm j flush!" And he displayed a roll of bills. 1 know," responded the clerk but I've got a full house." OLD GENTLEMAN (dictating indignant letter): Sir: My stenographer, being a lady, cannot bike down what I think of you. I, being a gentleman, cannot think it; but you, being neither, can easily guess my thoughts." PRECOCIOUS JUVENILE Mamma, it isn't good grammar to say after I,' is it ?" His Mother No. Georgie." Precocious Juvenile: Well, the letter J comes after I. Which is wrong, the grammar or the alphabet ?" Miss ANTIQUATE This a young turkey! I don't believe you, sir." Butcher: "It is a young turkey, mum." Miss Antiquate Young Young as com- pared with what ?" Butcher: The pyramids, er yer own sweet self, mum." WILLIE SMITH was playing with the Jones boys. His mother called him: Willie, don't you know those are bad boys for you to play with ?" "Yes, mother," said Willie, I know that, but then I am a good boy for them to play with." I NEVER knew," remarked the casual reader, what poets mean by the spell of imagination until to-day." How did you find out ?" Happened to notice how some of the dialect writers imagine, words are pronounced in certain parts of the country." FARMER HAYRICK (distressedly): "Wotcher wanter git a divorce fer, Mandy ? Hain't I allus treated yer right ?" His wife (discontentedly): Thet yer hev, Silas, an' I stan' willin' ter give a recommend, but, yer see, it's this way, I wanter be like other people." Is he a novelist?" asked one young woman, as she picked up a photograph. No, indeed," replied the other with enthusiasm. He's no novelist he's a story writer. You can understand and enjoy everything he does." MRS. SPRIGGINB Where's your daughter, Mrs. Wiggins ?" Mrs. Wiggins She's gone to the cook- ,,g ipg school. And that reminds me, I must go into the kitchen and get supper, for she'll be as hungry as a bear when she gets home." FIRST TRAMT (pointing to a scarecrow in a corn- #eld): Look I Lookee there!" Second Tramp: My my We must git out o' this, double quick. They've caught one of us fellows and nailed him to a pole!" AN author," said the practical litterateur, ought to know several languages." Of course he ought," replied his fellow-craftsmen. "The field has been so well worked that there is no longer any use of reading old English books in search of original ideas." HE: These shoemakers are pretty well up to the vanity of women. I have it on reliable authority that they hit on the trick of putting smaller numbers in women's shoes." She: "Yes; and it is also said that the hatters are numbering men's hats a size higher. There! LANDLORD: So your wife has decided to take the flat, after all ? She told me it was too small and cheap for her." Tenant: "Yes, I know, but being tired hunting I made her believe that you objected to ,having children in the place, and so she decided to take it just for spite." "WILL she have him ?" was the question they !asked. It would be a waste of time to answer the question," suggested the cynic, because it is not pro- perly worded. The question should read Can she get him ?" As is usually the case, they found upon investigation that he was one of the men who have received the mitten in several different forms. MR. HOLIDAY: So you think you would like to take the position of superintendent of the works ? Don't you think it better for you to seek a more humble place at first ?" Rollo Why, sir, you have told me that there is always plenty of room at the top. Surely, you would not have me crowd the worthy men who are lower down." ONE may see and hear strange things in the remote localities of this country," said a well-known lawyer who has for some weeks been wandering through the mountainous regions of Pennsylvania. It never occurred to me especially that there was any part of the great state of Pennsylvania which might be called remote, but after two weeks or more of wandering, miles away from railroads and other signs of civilisation, I am prepared to say that the Keystone state has its remoteness as well as others not so near the seaboard settlements. Naturally on such a trip I would see tilings new to me, but. there was not a surplus, at least, in quantity, though one thing that I saw in a little neighbourhood not of suffi- cient importance to have a name was odd enough to be worth going to see. It was a one-storey office building attached to the house of a rich old farmer As we passed the place the lawyer, who was acting as my guide, called my attention to it. There's something for you to make a note of,' he said. 'What is it?'I asked. 'That little office there in the front yard.' What's note- worthy about it ?' It's the most expensive bit of architecture in the country for its size.' 'What did it cost ?' 'How much would you say ?' Oh, about three hundred dollars.' Well, it just cost twenty-five thousand three hundred and fifty dollars.' Come off,' said I what's the gag ?' There isn't any,' he explained seriously. That old chap is the richest man in these parts and he built that office, which is fireproof, to keep his papers and other valu- ables in, and into each of the twenty-five thousand bricks he put into it he placed a silver dollar while the brick was still soft. That was simply a crank freak of his, but it went, and he built his office of brick at a dollar apiece, not counting the clay and the laying, which added three hundred and fifty dollars more, Now if you know of another brick building, twenty feet square, unplastered, and without modern con- veniences, which cost as much, tell me where it is, please.' But he had me there, for I am sure I don't know a match for that Pennsylvania office anywhere in the United States." A JUDGE, in crossing the English Channel one stormy night, knocked against a well-known witty lawyer who was suffering terribly from sea-sickness. Can I do anything for you ?" said the judge. Yes," gasped the sea-sick lawyer, "I wish your lordship would overrule this motion." I ALWAYS embrace an opportunity," said Mr. Mullins, complacently, to his lady-love. Mullins was a successful business man, but rather backward in love-making. Do you regard me as an opportu- nity?" asked the girl, shyly. He did after that. MRS. TIGIITFIST "Oh, we had the loveliest arrangement at our church society last week. Every woman contributed to the missionary cause one dollar, which she earned herself by hard work." Mrs. Nextblock How did you get yours ?" Mrs. Tightfist: From my husband." Mrs. Nextblock I shouldn't call that earning it yourself by hard work." Mrs. Tightfist "You don t know my hus- band." THE POLICEMAN: "This is one of the smartest thieves known to the police, your honour." The Judge Indeed ?" The Policeman Yes, your honour. He actually found this woman's pocket and picked it." "I AM a poet," said the young man resolutely. Indeed!" replied the kind-hearted but absent- minded editor. Yes. And I came to see if you will not give me a trial." Dear, dear I My good fellow, I wouldn't bother about a trial. I'd just plead guilty and take my chances." THE butcher was shoveling a big drift of snow from the walk in front of his shop when Pat came along and asked for the job. The butcher refused. Pat persisted. No," said the butcher. How will I get exercise if I let you shovel it ?" Eating your I meat," rejoined Pat, as he shouldered his shovel and marched on.

THERE exists in Russia a district which is wholly administered, and for the greater part of the year ex- clusively inhabited, by the fair sex. In the early spring, all the able-bodied males emigrate in search of work to the large towns, and remain absent for nine months or more, leaving their wives and daughters to cultivate the fields, and manage local affairs generally, under the presidency of a Mayoress. Before night-fall the ladies assemble in a sort of clubhouse, and play cards till one or two o'clock in the morning. This Adamless Eden is one of the most prosperous and best-conducted portions of the Empire, and the Czaritza takes a strong interest in its welfare.

LITERARY EXTRACTS. -1 W ORKMANSIIIP. The art of delicate IBicroscopic workmanship is not yet dead. Nothing ftade in older times could be more attractive than the work done not very long ago by a jeweller of Turin. The story of this marvellous production, as told by a London newspaper, is fascinating. The work is a tugboat, fashioned out of a single pearl. The sail of the boat is of beaten gold, studded with diamonds, and the binnacle light at the prow is a per- feet ruby. An emerald forms the rudder, and the stand upon which the boat is mounted is a slab of the whitest ivory. The entire weight is less than half an ounce, but when we come to the question of value 1te find that we have got beyond the microscopic. The maker values his work at five thousand dollars. This bit of craftsmanship surely deserves to rank ifrith some of the older wonders, though they were jgiarvellous enough. Sixteen hundred ivory dishes "1fère made by one Oswald Northingerus, and exhi- bited before Pope Paul V. These dishes were per- fect in every respect, but were so small as to be Scarcely visible to the naked eye, and were all enclosed in a basket of the size of an ordinary pepper- corn. In 1578 a London locksmith constructed a coll' lock made up of 11 different pieces of metal, and when it was finished and the key attached, the whole Weighed but one grain. Furthermore, he made a efiain of gold, consisting of 43 links, and when he had fastened this to the lock and key, he put one end otthe chain round the neck of a flea, and found that the insect was able to draw with ease both chain and lock. It is no little compliment to say that our modern Craftsmen can rank with such workers as these. EDUCATION OF PRINCES.—The education of Euro- Ean Princes is revealed in their holiday pleasures, ost of them are trained for military life, and their Summers are occupied with army reviews and manoeuvres. Whenever they visit one another, they are entertained with cavalry drills and infantry tactics and with sham battles. Not one of the great Sovereigns has ever been under fire in real warfare. The Emperor of Austria-Hungary took an active part in the campaign against France, Italy, and Prussia, from a safe distance. The King of Italy commanded a division in 1866 at the battle of Custozza, but only to cover the retreat of the Italian Army. The Czar and the Emperor of Germany have never seen war. Princes are sportsmen as well as soldiers. The Emperor of Austria-Hungary, when he entertains his good ally and friend, the German Emperor, not only Orders a military review and a series of banquets and fetes, but he also arranges an old-fashioned hunt- ing excursion in the forest. He is the keenest Sportsman in the European Royal circle, and enjoys hard riding and the genuine pleasures of the chase. The other Sovereigns prefer milder sport. The German Emperor is a good shot, and quickly fills his bag when he is heading a hunting party. The Emperor of Russia is at home in the saddle, but he is not an expert with the gun. The King of Italy also is a good sportsman. Nearly all the English Princes shoot well, and have abundant sport for Small game on the Scottish moors. The German Emperor and the Prince of Wales are enthusiastic t, yachtsmen, and their cutters are among the fastest in Europe. The King of the Belgians enjoys sea life, and takes long summer cruises on his steam yacht off the coasts of Spain and Norway. The Russian Emperor shares the same taste. The King of Sweden and Norway is rarely off his yacht during the Summer. The King of Greece is aslo a yachtsman, but he is seldom afloat in the iEgean and the Mediter- ranean. The King of Norway and Sweden is the only European Sovereign with strong artistic and bookish tastes. He is fond of reading, is something of a musician, and is an artist with considerable talent for sketching. Princes are trained for military cam- paigns which seldom occur, and they are also educated for Court functions which never end. They are great Social personages, who understand all the niceties of etiquette, and are able to speak several foreign lan- guages. There is not a European Sovereign who Cannot converse fluently with Royal visitors in their own tongue. A Prince who was without training in modern languages would be out of place in a European Court. AN ENNOBLED PIEMAN.-In his work, The Pupils of Peter the Great," Mr. R. Nisbet Bain gives an in- teresting sketch of the great Menshikov or Menschi- koff, Peter's right-hand man, who was literally plucked from the gutter. Peter cared nothing for birth. He only wanted the best men, and was pre- pared to find them anywhere. Of lowly born ser- vants, Yaguzhinsky, son of a Moscow organist, rose to be Procureur-General, or "the Czar's Eye." The advancement of Menshikov (or Menschikoff) was yet more extraordinary. The first we know of him is that, about 20, he sold meat pies in the streets of Moscow. It was while plying his modest trade that the merry looks and smart sallies of the young pieman attracted the attention of Lefort, the Czar's early companion and mentor. The repartees of the youth vastly amused the witty Frenchman, and he took him. then and there, into his service. At Lefort's house Peter first saw him, imme- diately took a fancy to him, and prevailed upon Lefort to part with him. As the Czar's attendant, Menshi- kov completely won his master's favour by his assiduity and tact. He became indispensable, and accompanied Peter everywhere. The intelligence with which he grasped the leading ideas of the Czar's reforms, and the alacrity with which he was ready to break with all old Russian habits and customs, to please his master, still further endeared him. He ceased to be a servant, he became a friend. Whatever the work or play required of him, Menshikov always plunged into it with enthusiasm. He was the companion of Peter's drunken orgies as well as the partner of his arduous toils. He could drill a regiment, build a frigate, chop off the heads of rebels with equal facility. In 1706 he married, also at the Czar's command, the beautiful and noble-minded Daria Arsenevaya, and was appoited Governor of the unfortunate Czarevitch Alexius, whom. to please his master, he treated with ferocious brutality. Throughout the Great Northern War Menshikov and the Czar were inseparable, and after the war was over His Most Serene Highness,' for Menshikov now possessed that title, was ap- pointed Administrator of the conquered Baltic Pro- vinces. He superintended the construction of Cron- stadt, and was allowed to build himself a superb palace in* the mushroom city of St. Petersburg, besides a country house. The best part.of Mazeppa's vast possessions in the Ukraine were bestowed upon him for services at Pultawa. In 1719 the offices of High Admiral and War Minister were added to his other dignities. At the end of Peter's reign (1725) he was that monarch's mightiest satrap, and indis- putably one of the wealthiest men in Europe. He was all-powerful under Peter's successors on the throne—Catherine 1. and Peter II.—but his end was Siberia, where he died, after two years of exile, at Berezov, in 1730." MERELY A POFT.-Lord Tennyson was frankly appreciative of his own poetic achievements never- theless, his lively sense of humour enabled him occa- sionally to enjoy in others a lack of appreciation of the high vocation of the poet, even when coupled with a lessened respect for himself. Delightful are the two little anecdotes of Tennyson's trip to Scotland recently related by Professor William Knight, to whom they were told by the laureate himself, during a visit at Furringford. Tennyson had been staying a a little inn in the Isle of Skye. After his depar- ture another guest, who had recognised him, inquired of the landlord if he knew who had been staying with him, and gave the name of the poet Tennyson. Lor' cried the landlord, in surprise, to think of that! And sure I thoucht he was a shentleman At another inn near Stirling a similar occurrence took place. Do you ken who you had wi' you t'other night ?" the innkeeper was asked. Naa but he was a pleesant shentleman." It was Tenny- son, poet." An' wha may he be ?" asked the land- lord. Oh, he is a writer o' verses, sich as ye see i' the papers." Noo, to think o' that! Jeest a public writer, an' I gied him ma best bedroom However, there was a consolation for this bestowal of too great distinction upon a mere poet in the fact that Lady Tennyson, who was not a public writer, had accompanied her husband, and had quite won the landlord's admiration. After digesting his dis- appointment in the poet laureate for a moment in sour silence, he was able to add: Oh, but she was an angel!" PECULIAR BKTROTIIAL.Marchesi, the. great singing teacher, says that when she found in any of her pupils symptoms of indolence or want of enthusiasm, she at once attempted to dissuade them from an artistic career. One such case was very absurd in the manner in which her advice was taken. This was Fraulein T., who was remarkably handsome, but very lazy. One day Marchesi lost patience with her. Get mar- ried, my dear child," said she, "and become a good wife. You will never do anything on the stage." The girl laughingly replied that she believed it was easier to get a good engagement than a good hus- band but shortly afterwards, on coming for her lesson, she whispered: I am following your advice. I am going to be married." Ah, that is good And who is the happy man ? c'I do not know," was the girl's laconic reply. What! You are going to marry some one you do not know?" Yes; my fiance saw me before he went to India, when I was twelve years old. I have been shown his photograph, and as his noble expres- sion inspires me with confidence, I have decided upon marrying him." When will your fiance come to fetch you ?" Unfortunately he cannot come for the wedding," she answered, with a slight blush. His business prevents him from doing so. I am to be married in my native town to a friend of the family by proxy, and he will take me to Bombay, to my future husband." A few weeks later the peculiar j ceremony did take place, and the ■nrriage ap- I parently turned out very happily. ( '¡; L.Trnllie-season for jdndling the fire of hospitality In. the hall the genial ilame of charity in the heart.—-Washington Irving. HEROES IN AFRICA.—An American missionary was working among ignorant and degraded black men on the west coast of Africa, and receiving 350dol. a year, or about a dollar a day. One day he received a letter announcing that a rich relation had died and left him heir to a considerable estate. He sailed for his own country after obtaining leave of absence from the mission field, and remained at home until the will was proved and he was put in possession of his fortune. He then returned to his work in a mala- rious country, where the climate was almost pestilen- tial. All of his recently acquired wealth he placed at the disposal of the missionary society. A less heroic and self-sacrificing missionary would have remained at home, invested his money and possibly have undertaken some light clerical work in connection with foreign missions. He went back to West Africa, content to earn 96 cents a day, with the certainty that his life would be shortened by fever, This story of self-sacrfice was recently narrated to an English audience by the Bishop of Sierra Leone. He was too modest a missionary to explain that the ex- ample of this humble American hero had not been without effect in inspiring his own emulation. He did not tell his English audience that before his consecration as Bishop he was a hard-working missionary on the West coast of Africa nor how it had come about that he was in high favour at Court. He was at his station on the Gold Coast when J'rince Henry of Battenburg was stricken with fever in the last Ashanti campaign, and carried to the Nearest port. He accompanied the Prince to a man-of-wur. and was with him when he died. The poor mission- ary received a Royal command to sail for England, in order to give a full account of the Prince's last hours to the Queen and to the widowed Princes? Beatrice. He told his story in a modest, manly way, and became a favourite at the Court. The Queen and the Royal Family were grateful to him for his attendance upon the Prince, and urged him to remain in England, where some congenial post might be found for him. He knew how powerful Court influence would be in securing promotion in the Church, but he refnsed to abandon his work as a missionary. He was content to return to his former post in a fever-stricken country with small pay, hard work, and constant risk of death. He finally consented, however, to take the bishopric of his own mission field. Not all the heroes of Africa discover the sources of its wealth or offer battle to slave-traders. Some of the noblest among them are quiet, self-sacrificing missionaries of whom the world seldom hears, and who from love of humanity, and obedience to Divine teaching, honour manhood, and exemplify the higher law — Thou shalt love thy neighbour Com- panion. ON A LINE OF GRAY.— The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea, said Dick, dreamily looking at the upland pastures during the contemplative process of refilling a large meerschaum pipe. Wre were smoking outside the little inn at the Fex Thai, and watching the sun M he disappeared behind the long mountain ridges. That is the worst of mountainous countries; the" tramontar" comes so early in the evening; "Macros que cadunt altis de montibus umbras," as the professor, who was always bubbling over with quotations, generally remarked to us at sunset. A Swiss peasant woman had just advanced to a graasy knoll in front of the house, and sounded a weird note on a melancholy- voiced horn; fur die Kuhe," as she said in answer to our inquiry and now the cattle were slowly descending in a long line from the green flowery Alps, where they had been feeding all the bright summer day. The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lea,' repeated Dick. I have often thought that those two winds slowly '—are very awkward. Yet that is how the line is generallywritten. Palgrave has it so in his Golden Treasury, but I find that Professor Mackay, in his 'Thousand and One Gems,' prints the lowing herds wind,' which seems to me a great improvement." I don't agree with you," said 1. It is too suggestive of a cattle ranch. You don't imagine that Gray, in the old churchyard at Stoke, was contemplating a lot of herds winding all at once over the lea—whatever that may be." The professor took his pipe out of hie mouth, and looked preternaturally wise, as was his wont, before giving utterance to an opinion on any critical or con- troversial point. The fact is," said he, that neither way of quoting the line is correct. Gray wrote 'the lowing herd wind slowly o'er the and so you will find it in old editions, such as Mitford's, for example. Why modern editors have changed it I cannot imagine. Out of pure cussedness,' I sup- pose. Herd' is a noun of multitude, and very properly takes the third person plural of the verb. It is like our old friend turba ruunt' of the Latin grammar. As to lea,' I remember a certain Lord Chancellor, now deeeased, falling foul of the word in the course of one of his pompous dinner-table harangues. Wordsworth,' said he, 'would never have used such a word as that.' But Mr. Alfred Austin. who was one of the party (nobody then looked upon him as a destined Laureate), seeing a golden opportunity both for a recitation and to snuff out the legal luminary, quietly began with: The world is too much with us, late and soon,' and recited that glorious sonnet from start to finish—' ab ovo usque ad mala '—to the hushed and attentive assembly of guests and flunkeys. His triumph was complete, of course, when he reached the lines: So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn'; but, finis coronat opus,' and needless to say he did not stop before he reached 'Old Triton,' and'his wreathed horn.' It was very well done, and we all thought he ought to have been grateful to the Chancellor for giving him such an opening. 'Nullos his mallem ludos spec- tasge. -1 ehzple Bar. TilE OLD BAILEY,-—It must be admitted that our first feeling is one of disappointment. A place so famous looks in the dull, grey light of a London morning but sadly insignificant. On our right, raised to some height above the barristers' seats, where we have taken our places, runs a long narrow. platform on which desks are placed at regular in- tervals. The central chair is surmounted by a high canopy over which are blazoned the arms of Eng- land for this is the throne of the civic dignitary whoso carriage is even now in the courtyard below. The Lord Mayor is Chief Commissioner at the Central Criminal Court by Act of Parliament passed in the reign of his late Majesty King William IV. On the red baize, which lines the back of the canopy, hangs the great sword of justice. Before us is the jury-box, in which the 12 good men and true have already taken their places. The great box, which looks some- thing like the squire's pew in an old country church, unspoilt by so-called restoration, is the dock for the the criminals. Above it is the public gallery, with two circular projections that have the appearance of bay windows. The court is lit by six great windows stretching its whole length. The lower panes are white-washed to a dirty brown-an evident contra- diction in terms—but through the upper ones we can catch a glimpse of Newgate, above which a score' of pigeons are wheeling swiftly, as if in mockery of the prisoners within its gloomy walls. And now the warning voice of the usher is heard, and we all rise to our feet as a procession enters the doors that leads to the raised platform. First comes a solemn func- tionary in high fur hat, carrying the great gold mace that proclaims the Lord Mayor of London. He halts by the door. and allows that gentleman himself, arrayed in the well-known robes of scarlet and furf with the heavy gold chain about his neck, and the strange three-cornered hatcm his head, to precede him. The next to enter is a short, hard-faced man in unpre- tentious robes of dull scarlet and ermine, and at his heels follow the City Marshal in his smart uniform, a sheriff, and two aldermen, resplendent in their robes of office. But it is the little hard-faced man who. in contradiction of the proverb that fine feathers make fine birds, is the ruling spirit of this function for he is no less a person than one of her Majesty's judges of the High Court of Justice, with the title of knight and the highest salary of any judge of equal rank in the world. Then follows an interchange of etiquette that has been established for many a long year. The Lord Mayor bows to the judge, and the judge bows to the Lord Mayor. Then both judge and Lord Mayor how to the Bar, and we bow to them. Finally, the civic magistrate seats himself under the canopy, and her Majesty's magis- trate is placed on his right, and the work of the day begins.—Cassell's Magazine.

THE Canton of Valais alone sent in 7500 Refe- rendums-unterschriften a few days ago, Luzern 6990, and Freiburg a second batch of over 6000, simultaneously. Every signature has to be in the hand of a qualified voter. The results of this appeal to the People as Sovereign," will be watched with interest by all railway travellers, and also by all railway shareholders, throughout the world. For what is done in the little "political laboratory of Europe," Switzerland, is a portent of what will, sooner or later, be done in greater and less mobile States. AMERICA'S leading new woman is Mrs. Marilla M. Ricker, who, it will be remembered, applied to Presi- dent M'Kinley last summer for the post of United States Minister to the Republic of Columbia. Her request was, of course, refused. She has now decided to run for Congress, and to stand for her native State of New Hampshire. She is a member of the New Hampshire Bar, has acted as United States Commis- sioner and Examiner in Chancery for the District of Columbia, and has actively engaged in political work. She is confident of the ultimate success of the woman j suffrage movement, predicting that within a quarter of a century from now no Mian in the United States will be willing to admit that his father or grand- father opposed the cause. :1\1'' ,< f-]..

1- HOME HINTS. HOT-POT.—Cut lib. of buttock steak in pieces about 3in. long and wide sprinkle theso well with pepper and salt. Well butter a piidding-basin and put in a layer of raw potato, peeled and cut in slices, one onion, sliced, a teaspoonful of finely- chopped parsley, then a layer of the seasoned steak, then a layer of potato, onion, parsley, and steak until the basin is full. Pour over a breakfastcupful of boiling water, cover the top with an extra thick layer of sliced potato, put a plate, that will stand the heat of the oven, on top, and bake in a hot oven for one hour and a half. KEDEGREE OF HADDOCK.—Boil a medium-sized dried haddock for 10 minutes, let it get cool, then free it from skin and bone. Flake up the fish, and put it in a frying-pan with a generous lump of butter or sweet dripping. Have ready half a teacupful of rice, boiled for 15 minutes and well drained. Mix this rice lightly with the fish, a small onion finely chopped, and a teaspoonful of finely-chopped parsley, well seasoned with pepper. Make the kedegree hot, then break in one whole egg, stir lightly over the fire until a compact mass. Pile in a hot dish, and serve with a dish of nicely-mashed potato. j A GOOD RECEIPT FOR FISII CAKES. rake equal weights of fish and potato which has been previously boiled. Break the fish, free from skin and bone, into flakes, and rub the potatoes through a fine sieve. Mix the potatoes and fish together, and season with salt and cayenne, adding a few drops of anchovy put the mixture into a basin, and make into a stifflsn paste with a little milk, melted butter, and a lightly-beaten egg. Make the paste into small, round cakes, roll first in a beaten-up egg, and then in breadcrumbs. Half fill a saucepan with clarified fat, place the cakes on a frying basket or perforated ladle; as soon as a thin blue smoke begins to rise from the fat, plunge in the frying basket, and let it remain so until the cakes are a pale golden brown, then lay them on a clean piece or white paper and free them from grease. The cakes must be served up hot, and are improved by the addition of egg sauce. ÅUNT MARIA'S CUSTARD.—Put half a pint of milk into a saucepan with a little lemon rind. Let it simmer gently till the milk is flavoured by the lemon. Sweeten according to taste, and let it cool, take out the lemon peel. Now whisk three eg^s lightly, and add them to the milk. Line a pie dish with a good short crust, pour in the custard, grate a little nutmeg over the top, and, bake in a slow oven. If baked quickly the custard will become watery. VEAL BROTH.—Cut a pound of knuckle of veal into small pieces, and put into a saucepan with three pints of water and^half a teacupful of rice. Boil gently for an liour-and-a-half. The flavour may be varied by adding according to taste, parsley or lettuce or thyme. BAKED SPRATS.—Wipe the sprats quite dry, cut off their heads, lay them in a well-buttered pie-dish, sprinkled with chopped onion and parsley. Sprinkle freely with pepper, salt, and a little flour. Jnst cover the sprats in the dish with equal quantities of vinegar and water, cover the top of the dish with an old plate, or a piece of buttered paper; bake in a hot oven a quarter of an hour. To COOK CELERY.—Cut off the outer stringy stalks of two heads of celery—split each in halves and well wash under a tap of cold water. Put a generous lump of dripping in a saucepan; when the dripping is frizzling put in the celery, cover close and let it cook on a hot part of the stove, turning it frequently to brown it all over. If the celery is fresh, it should only take 15 or 20 minutes. Serve with either boiled or roast meats. To COOK SPRATS.—Wipe the sprats with a clean cloth, and put them into another dry clean cloth, with a tablespoonful of flour, give them a gentle shake to flour the sprats all over. Make a large frying-pan quite hot, sprinkle the pan freely with salt, lay in the floured sprats, and fry them five minutes on each side; keep these hot until all are ready and serve with baked potatoes. ALMOND CAKES.—Put half pound of ground almonds in a basin with half a teacupful of flour, a teacupful of sugar, the grated rind of a lemon, and one whole egg, with the juice of the lemon, poured on the egg. Mix this egg and lemon well into the cake mixture; if not moist enough, use part of another well-beaten egg. The cakes must be merely moist enough to make into round balls with well-floured hands. Put the cakes on a well-buttered cake-tin bake in a cool oven until crisp and brown. A SIMPLE laundry polish for shirt-fronts, collars, and cuffs consists of loz. of white wax and 2oz. of spermaceti, melted and mixed together. Use a lump of the mixture of the size of a hazel-nut in the boiled starch used for a dozen shirts. Polish the linen with a polishing iron, to bring out the gloss of the starch. SALT.—Do not leave a bag of salt where it will (absorb the smell of fish or other disagreeable odours. ,A small pinch of impure salt will spoil an otherwise excellent dish. AVOID. going into the presence of any contagious disease when perspiring, or when the system is not properly fortified by food. An empty stomach and open pores increase the susceptibility to take the disease. CHESTNUT SouP. — This is made by taking two dozen large chestnuts, boiling them and removing husks and skins. Melt in another saucepan one and a half ounces of butter, into which the chestnuts must be dropped and boiled, stirring all the time; add one and a half pints of water, and let it boil onft and a half hours, rub through a fine sieve and return to the saucepan, season with salt and pepper, add half a pint of milk or cream, boil up and serve. AN ECONOMICAL AND BRILLIANT FURNITURE POLISH.— j Get from your chemist twopenny worth of diluted acetic acid this quantity should just fill an ordinary medicine bottle. Have ready an empty imperial pint spirit bottle pour your acid in, then fill nearly full with good parafin oil, cork tightly, and shake: well, each time applying to rag when using, and polish quickly with a dry soft cloth. In my opinion the above polish is far preferable to the ordinary furniture cream, costing a shilling per jar, and lasting but a few times. The actual cost of this is threepence, and lasts me quite three months, being used with splendid effect every few days on oak stairs, dining-room furniture, &c. The rag just moistened is quite sufficient, the polish dry- ing partly itself, thus saving hand labour to an ex- tent. EGG FONDUE.—Make this by puttiag six eggs into a bowl, and beating them lightly with a fork add four tablespoonsful of finely-chopped cheese, a quarter of a teaspoonful of salt, and a dash of cayenne pepper. Put a tablespoonful of butter into a saucepan, turn in the mixture, and stir constantly until the eggs are smooth and jelly-like. Serve at once on squares of buttered toast, on a hot dish garnished with parsley. Egg fondue makes a very acceptable addition to the luncheon table as well as a good dinner savoury. To PREVENT A CHIMNEY FROM SMOKING.—When a fire is first lighted it very often smokes, although it draws well when once it burns up. To prevent this, open the window a little at the top before putting a match to the fire, and if the grate has not been used for a few days (or in very damp foggy weather) warm the chimney by burning a large crumpled-up news- paper, and ascertain that the mouth of the chimney is ;free from soot. When laying the fire, use plenty of sticks, or better still a firelighter, so that the fuel may catch quickly; do not use large pieces of coal, and bank it up on each side, placing a little at the back of the grate and only a few small pieces in front. The old-fashioned plan of using a paper to make a fire ilraw up is to be recommended, but brown paper is decidedly preferable to s. newspaper, ;and this can be made imflammable if saturated on both sides with a strong solution of alum, and then dried before it is used. MARGUERITES.—Chop fine one teacupful of the kernels of any kind of nuts, or of several fcinds mixed beat into an icing made of the white of an egg and a cup of sugar. Spread on delicate finger crackers and bake a moment, or until slightly browned. Excellent with coffee or cocoa. OYSTER FoBCKMBAT.Half a pint of oysters, five ounces of Weadcrumbs, one ounce of butter, the peel of half a lemon, a sprig of parsley, salt, nutmeg, a very little cayenne, and one egg. Take off the beards from half a pint of: oysters, wash them well in their own liquor, and mince them very fine; mix with them the peel of half a lemon chopped small, a sprig of parsley, a seasoning of salt, nutmeg, and a very little cayenne, and about on ounce of butter in small pieces. Stir into these ingredients five ounces of breadcrumbs, and mixed together, bind it with the yolk of an egg and part of the oyster liquor. BREAD CAKE.—Separate from the dough, when making common white bread, as much as is sufficient for a quarter loaf. Knead well into this 2oz. of moist sugar, the same quantity of butter, and gib. of currants warm the butter in a teacupful of good milk. When thoroughly kneaded, make the dough into the form of a cake and bake in a tin. CHOCOLATE CARAMELS.—Put one cup each of brown sugar, of molasses, and of milk, and one tablespoon of glycerine into a kettle and boil fast. When nearly done add one cup of grated chocolate, and test by propping a little into cold water. When done pour into buttered pans and cut into squares. ROWAN JELLY or mountain ash jelly is capital for eating with mutton, venison, and hare. The berries in many places may be gathered on the hedgerows, so the expense is small. First pick the fruit off the stalks, set in a pan and cover with water. Put the pan on the fire, and as the contents come to the boÄ, take the fruit, mash it with a wooden spoon, and strain through a jelly bag. Then add one pound of sugar to every pint of juice, and boil it until it jellies. .2t jt 1- f., t" ,i i

FAIIM LABOrHEHS AND THEIR WAYS. Colonel G. W\ Raikes contributes to the Laud Magazine a long and chatty article entitled Farm Labourers: Reminiscences of their Ways and Words." The writer, who has had a long experience of the class of whom he writes, not only knows their peculiarities, but has a practical acquaintance with most of the work they are called upon to perform I always made it a practice, he says, to give my work people three holidays in the year, viz., Good Friday, Harvest home, and Christmas Day; for these days all regular men were paid and were expected to help the carters and stockmen morn- ing and evening. They were not obliged to go to church, but nearly all seemed to think it a point of honour to do so. One of the oldest men on the, farm told me he could remember some 50 years before the parson begged his master the farmer to send his men to church on Good Friday, so his master agreed to give them an extrr half-hour at dinner time for the purpose if the parson would fix the survice for 11.30 a.m. The men went to church and took their flag baskets with them, and feeling hungry most of them ate their dinner during r, 11 the sermon in church. There are, of course, other occasions when men want holidays, such as regattas, shows, fairs, &c.. but on these occasions just as much as when they want to spend the day with relations or triends it is only right that they should lose their day's pay. Harvest home is a grand institution, and should always be recognised on the smallest farm by a function of some sort. We generally had a mid-day service in church, a game of cricket after- Wards. and a good substantial feed about four o'clock, with beer, tobacco, and singing to finish the evening. A good professional comic singer with half-a-dozen' costumes will not cost much, and will cause a great amount of amusement. I often noticed that my relations with my men got a bit strained during harvest, but a harvest home, if properly managed, will put all that right, and all goes as pleasantlvias possible directly afterwards. I remember on one occasion having had a bit of a row with a workman the very day before the harvest home, and so much had I offended him that he told his mates lie should na go nigh." However, he did come, and drowned dull care pretty freely; the next morning he came to the back door and sent for me. I went out and asked him what he wanted, he said, I've come to drink your health, master for I feels a bit queer this morning." I got him a jug of the best in the cellar, and we never had any more rows after that. CUSTOM OF CArriNG. What queer notions are prevalent among working men as to what amount of respect, if any, is due from them to those in a better position! The custom of capping or touching the hat, even to the squire or parson, is anything but universal, and there are plenty who would consider themselves degraded by this simple piece of civility, which costs nothing and is more likely to promote good feeling than otherwise. Of course, like anything else, civility may be overdone, and for a farm hand to be always touching his hat to his master like a livery servant would be very ridiculous; and yet I must say I like a recognition of some sort the first time I meet a workman (whom I know and tvho knows me) every day. A "Morning, Jem," and a Morning, sir," in reply, with a nod of the head, or a pleasant look seems to assure both parties that there is no ill- feeling, and I think this much comes naturally to all farm servants who are good for anything so long as you happen to be their master. But I have known instances where I have met men, who for years have been in my employ, and who have left me on per- fectly good terms only a few weeks before, who have passed me with a blank stare and no recognition whatever, which seemed to say I have no need to take any notice of you now. Some go a step further, and, if standing at a road corner as you pass, will delibe- rately turn their backs and look stolidly at nothing; these are generally young men, who one cannot, help wishing may at some future time enlist in the army or in their county militia regiment, in either of which they will speedily rn he meaning of right about turn." The followingtl can vouch for as a true story: Old Mr. J. was and had been the rector of a large country parish in Worcestershire for many years, and as chairman of Petty Sessions at the neighbouring town had frequently had to punish one of his parishioners, a tinker called C., who was much addicted to drink. Mr. J. met C. one day during his first drive after he had been unwell for some time, and C. turned his back and stuck his head in the hedge. Mr. J. stopped his carriage and said,"What is the matter, C.? I don't like yolir manner. Why don't you turn round and say good morning and ask me how I am ?" upon which C. huskilly replied, 'Cause I don't want to knaaw." THE BUCOLIC APPETITE. Salutations from women among the labouring classes are still more curious the village schoolgirl always curtsies if she meets a lady or gentleman she knows, but once in service there is not one in 20 who takes the slightest notice, even of her own mis- tress or master, out of doors, and after they are mar- ried and settled they generally favour one with a most stately bow. looking for all the world as if they had a poker up their backs; what a pleasant contrast is the cheery smile that some few deign to favour one with. Many agricultural labourers on the southern coast occasionally go to sea when work at home is not very plentiful, and it is a common fashion among these, and indeed all sailors, to wear earrings. I re- member once asking one of my men what he wore earrings for; he said, I suppose it be a koind o' proide." How often the working classes eat during the day, especially in the Midlands! The Warwickshire custom is to knock off for half-an-hour for breakfast at 8.0 a.m., for an hour for dinner at 1.0 p.m., and tea directly they get home, at 5.30 p.m., this is generally supplemented by a snack in the field at 10.30 a.m., and sometimes a "four o'clock" is also permitted. The women workers commence work (having breakfasted at home) at 8.0 a.m. I remember one day, when I hoped to find a party of women busy turning hay about 9.30, I was surprised, and somewhat annoyed, to find them all sitting at lunch under the shade of a tree. I said rather testily, I cannot understand how you can eat so much, you seem to be always at it. Do you know that often when I am busy I go from eight to eight with nothing but a biscuit?" An old woman answered me off-hands, saying, Yes, very like you do, master; but you get better vittles!" I felt the force of her retort I suppose two square meals are a fair set-off for a good many snacks such as they so constantly indulge in. The boarded farm servant in the North gets three meals per day, in addition to yearly wages, which are equivalent to 10s. or 12s. per week, but he works, save his dinner-hour, from six to six, and is generally considered by those who know him to be a more economical investment than the ordinary day- labourer at 13s. per week, who finds himself. I was once talking to a Sussex labourer of this North- country fashion, and told him how, at a farmhouse I had lately stayed at, the missus used to serve out a go of pudding all round before the meat; he said, She would na' have me at that game twice."

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