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AMERICAN HUMOUR.

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AMERICAN HUMOUR. A TAKING ADVERTISEMENT. Mrs Langtry has got a real grievance, Some American dentist or tooth-maker has been filling a United States town with pictures of the Jersey Lily "before" and "after"—"before" representing her as minus teeth, and after" as possessing a charm- ing set of molars," Naturally, she doesn't like it; and the dentist's excuse that he does not mean to suggest that she is toothless does not really meet the case. This is the suggestion that his posters actually do make, and if Mrs Langtry cannot prevent this misuse of a pretty face there is no justice in America. NEAT TRICK BY A BURGLAR. "One of the neatest tricks I have heard of for some time was perpetrated by a pair of burglars in this city lately," said a police captain to a New York Graphic reporter. "The younger of the two had entered a private residence while the inmates were at tea and the elder stood outside on watch. The riflar was discovered and was soon chased from one floor to another by two gentlemen members of the household. Somebody called Police and the outside burglar, drawing his revolver, responded. 'There, there, ladies; don't make any fuss. I'll take care of this fellow,' he said, and making a rush he grabbed his mate by the collar and gave him a cuff on the neck as he led him down the stoop. The family breathed more freely and the gentlemen prepared to go to the station-house to swear out a complaint. When they arrived there nobody had heard of the case. The burglars had vanished. It's an old trick, but I haven't heard about it in this neighbourhood in many years." IN EASY LESSONS. Omaha World Wife I notice that the write s on health say we shoull keep the mouth closed while we are asleep. I've a notion to try it. Do you think I could? Husband: "It would do no harm to practice it a little first while you're awake." DISGUISE IN BOSTON. New York Sun: Mrs South Church (whispering to her husband): I wonder why Miss Beacon is in disguise to-night?" Mr South Church: "In dis- guise?" Mrs South Church: II Yes; she has no spectacles on." TO MAKE ONE DRINK ANSWER FOR TWO PERSONS. The other evening a portly, well-dressed man walked into an avenue saloon, Bays the Washington Post. Business was dull. He ordered whisky. The bar-keeper set out the bottle and placed a tumbler of ice-water behind the whisky-glass. The gentleman poured the smaller glass full and as he raised it to his lips his elbow was touched. He looked around and put down the untasted glass. A dilapidated tramp stood there asking the price of a drink. I never refuse a man the price of a drink when he asks for it honestly," said the well-dressed one. It shows that no matter how poor he is, no matter what misfortune has overcome him, he has not lost his manliness. Here, my poor fellow, is a Fudge, I felt in the wrong pocket, Oh, pshaw, here. No, hang it. Ah, my pocket-book. Damn it, I left that at home. too. Here, I've got it, in my watch pocket. Humph, only 15 cents My poor friend, I am sorry, I am deeply sorry, but I have only the price of my drink, which I owe the bar-keeper here. I have no money for you. My change is in my other clothes. Hold on, though. Here, you shall have your drink, nevertheless." He poured the ice-water into the spittoon, poured half the whisky in the smaller glass into the tumbler, banded it to the tramp, who swallowed it at a gulp and disappeared, drank his own, laid down the 15 cents, ate an olive, a herring sandwich, a couple of crackers, a piece of cheese, and walked out as steadily as a judge, with the glow of a generous thought still brightening his eye. A minute later he and the tramp were heading up the avenue together. "That is the first time I've seen it done, just that way," said the bar-keeper, as he recovered his breath. AN EARNEST APPEAL. Omaha World: Omaha doctor. There seems to be but little chance of saving your husband's life." Omaha wife: Ob, do save him if you can. I appear so badly in black." Robert Louis Stevenson is sailing around the South Sea islands with the object of getting acquainted with the inhabitants. It is feared by his friends that he may not agree with them, although he tender for his age. NARROW ESCAPE IN LLANDUDNO BAY. On Thursday afternoon Mr W. H. Fowlson, son of the Rev. W. H. Fowlson, Birkenhead, narrowly escaped death by drowning in Llandudno Bay. A little before five o'clock he launched a canoe in n heavy sea. He was warned by some men on the shore not to attempt it, but he replied that he had been out in a heavier sea than that. Having pro- ceeded about half a mile up the bay he was observed to be in distress, and a boat, manned by Joseph Jones, bowman of the Llandudno Lifeboat, Edward Hughes jun., William Owen, and John Meredith, immediately put out to his assistance, and succeeded in reaching the young gentleman just in time to save his life.

PERILOUS QUICKSANDS ON THE…

A REMARKABLE PRIZE FIGHT FOR…

MISCELLANEOUS.

WOMAN.

HOW TO DEVELOP HER PECULIAR…

ROUND THE WORLD.—XII. I

AN EISTEDDFOD SERMON.

FISHGUARD REGATTA.

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