ο»Ώ AMERICAN HUMOUR.|1877-06-30|Pontypool Free Press and Herald of the Hills - Welsh Newspapers Online
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IMPERIAL PARLIAMENT.

AN EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE.

THE FIRE AT ST. JOHN'S, NEW…

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EARTHQUAKE PHENOMENA AT SEA.

RUSSIAN PRISONERS IN STAMBOUL.

A VERY TERRIBLE TURK.

WAR VICTIMS.

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THE BISHOP OF MANCHESTER ON…

LETTER-WRITING UNDER ADVERSE…

THE PRINCE OF WALES AND THE…

DEATH OF A SPANISH MENDICANT.

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A SHOWER OF SAND!

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

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AMERICAN HUMOUR. There is a man in one of the Western States who has moved so often, that whenever a covered waggon comes near his house, his chickens all march up and fall on their backs, and cross their legs, ready to be tied and carried to the next stopping place. The seconds in a late Yankee duel, who, on the first discharge, had nearly been hit by their principals, on reloading and delivering them their weapons, observed, "Perhaps it will be as well for you, gentlemen, the next time, to fire at each other." A German literary man remarks that in America thieves are so scarce that rewards are offered for them. As usual he quotes half the fact, it is after the reward is offered they make themselves scarce. Mr. James Warren of Louisiana was recently married to Miss Angeline Bread of the same State. Having got his Bread, James says he doesn't want any but her. A Yankee in Russia, who was listening to the boasts of some Russians as to the great size of the seals caught on their northern coasts, suddenly exclaimed, Ah, gentlemen, but you should see the 'great seal' of the United States Government! A new recipient of judicial honours in Alabama was reminded, after the argument in a case being tried before him was closed, that he should charge the jury, and rose and said, Gemmen of de jury, I charge you half a dollar a-piece and you must pay it before de case goes on." The capacity of certain phrases to express a great deal is very interesting. A woman who had interred three temporary partakers of her joys and sorrows, and who had married a fourth, when asked if she had another husband, replied haughtily, There is a gentleman who enjoys that uncertain honour at present." A good story is told of a German shoemaker in Utica, who having made a pair of boots for a gentleman of whose financial integrity he had considerable doubt, made the following reply to him when he called for the article :— Derpoots ish not quite done, but der beel ish made out." A Chicago editor received a gold pen for a present from his admirers but he dosen't use it. He says it is not half so handy as his old pair of scissors in getting up editorial articles and leaders. A San Francisco court has recently decided the value of a kiss to be seven hundred dollars, gold. At that figure it wouldn't take a fellow half-an-hour or so to run through with pretty considerable of a fortune, and he'd have nothing let to show for it either. A New York judge having told a lawyer the other day that his mind was made up on the case, and that counsel need not read from a decision of Chief Justice Marshall that he held in his hand, the lawyer replied, "I do not wish to affect your honour's mind by reading the decision, but simply desire to give the members of the bar present an opportunity to see how inferior Chief Justice Marshall was to your honour The judge wilted. In New York, a short time ago, a Western editor was met by a friend, who, taking him affectionately by the hand, exclaimed, I am delighted to see you; how long are you to stay?" "Why, I think," said the editor, "I -shall stay as long as my money lasts." "How disappointed I am," said his friend; I hoped you were going to stay a day or two. A book agent who has retired from active labour upon the hard-earned accumulations of a life of industrious cheek, says that the great secret of his success was that when he went to a house where the female head of the family pre- sented herself he always opened by, I beg your pardon, miss but it was your mother I wanted to see." That always used to get 'em. They not only subscribed for my books themselves, but told me where I could find more customers.

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A PRAYER FOR THE SULTAN.

EPITOME OF NEWS.

THE MARKETS.