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IN a country chapel in Ireland, where there were but few seats, during a sermon three ladies entered for shelter. They were well known and respected in the district, and the priest, on recognising them, ordered Three chairs for the three Protestant ladies." The congregation, who understood him to say" cheers," set up three hearty cheers, much to the dismay of the young ladies. However, on the mistake being discovered, the young ladies were provided with chairs. MANY years ago, when a Berwick election petition was being heard before a Committee ol the House of Commons, considerable amusement was caused by the difficulties of the South-countrj members to make out the Berwick dialect. Well,' said counsel to a witness, where did ââ go V He went wi' we," replied the native of the ancient burgh. we ?'" repeated the puzzled Chairman what is we T Well," came the reply, "he went wi' weâhe went wi' hUll." Huz But who is "'Hus is cried the Borderer, indignant that his tongue should be so little understood. THE definition of "wedding" in the fashion vocabulary means a grand crises of clothes; bride," a peg on which finery of all kinds if hung bridegroom," a sober, black object follow- ing the bride, of no account in particular, and yet without whom there would be no fuss, and the fun could not go oa. A MAN from the country went into a second- hand store in Detroit, and asked the proprietor to show him a spring overcoat. Certainly ve are just putting down de brices on shbring shtock." Suddenly there was a terrific hammering and a general hubbub in the rear room. For Heaven's Bake, what's that ?" asked the customer. Oh, don't get vrightened. Dot's only my son, Isaac, knocking down de brice on shbring goots," said the proprietor. WHAT'S this newspaper article about the late John Smith 2" inquired old Mr. Badger. Is he our John 1" "Guess he is." Well, well! He allers was slower 'n molasses in January. He never was on time in all his life, and they used to say he wasn't to his own weddin' till the day after the ceremony, and now the day after he's dead they call him the 'late John Smith.' It beats all how those newspapers do learn so much about a person!" A WITTY CLOWN, by name Durow, has just been compelled to leave St. Petersburg for carrying jokes too far. He was giving a performance with a pig trained to various feats. At the man's com- mand the animal took up from the ground a num- ber of Russian coins, including imperials and small silver and copper coins. When, however, some rouble notes were thrown down the pig refused to pick them up, even though whipped. Great amuso- ment was caused by this discriminating act, and it was intensified as a voice cried from the gallery to the clown: "You blockhead, if the Finance Minister could not raise the paper rouble in four months, bow can you expect a pig to do it 2" Though a favourite with St. Petersburg audiences, the clown received orders to leave the city the fol- lowing day. Go and see Quinn, the great comedian, said a physician to a hypochondriacal patient, and have a laugh." "Alas! sir, I am he," said the poor man sad':T. he asked, in that style which a big brother assumes when patronizing a little sisterâ "Marion, do you know that the earth turns round 1" "Of tos I does," answered Marion, resenting the imputation of ignorance; that's the reason I tumbles out of bed." A MAN was telling of a fight he saw in the street, when a big fellow picked up a stick to knock another's brains out, whereupon he rushed in between them to save the intended victim. At this point a little shaver, who had been listening intently, proudly exclaimed He couldn't knock any brains out of you, could he, father ?" A DOCTOR of divinity was once giving his class some instructions about preaching in suoh a way as to gain attention and approbation Young gentle- men," said he, it's all contained in a nutshell. When you go to preach n the city, take your best coat; when you go to preach in the country, take your best sermon." A POMI'OUS young lawyer, in addressing an old judge, said If your honour please, it is written in the book of nature that the eternal law At what page ?" exclaimed the judge, interrupting himâ"at what page r' The pompous young lawyer was visibly embarrassed. SHE was cosily intrenched upon his shoulder, and they were very, very happy. "George," she whispered, and he bent his head to listen, "do you know what I would do if your love for me should cool?" "Would you die, dear?" he asked pas- sionately. N >, George; I would bring a suit for breach of promise." COME here, my little Eddy," said a gentleman to a youugster of seven years of age, while sitting in a room where a large company were assembled, do you know me "Yes, sir, I think I do." Who am I, then ? Let me hear." You are the man who kissed Aageline last night in the drawing' .11

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MARRIED LIFE IN JAPAN

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RHYL DISTRICT.

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