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- facts anb ndeg. -

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facts anb ndeg. Song of the Season.—My Fight catarrh? (guitar). As old as the hills—the valleys. How h-usbands are-caught-ivith thelass-o. Bnght Boy (to visiting pastor) "Now try it on me. Ala says you can put anyone to sleep in fiv-e minutes." A lady novelist" writes, "With one hand he held her beautiful golden head above the seething waters, and With the other shouted loudly for help, which came not." Blessed is the man who has no thermometer, fur he "hall never know how hot he is. or hew cold. Saluting the flair—the penalty of treading on orange peel on the pavement. A fine coat may cover a fool but never conceals one. That is just where the fool makes miftakes. Why is a clever man like a pin ? Because his head generally prevents him from going too far. In a Hebvew,-cli,] 'What crime did Joseph's brothers commit in selling him V All the pupils in chofis They sold him too cheap.' Shakespeare was married at 13. And Briggy Young was spliced at 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, and so on, up to the frisky fifties. An old bachelor i"A.Ys-" It is all nonsense to pretend that lore is blind. I never knew a man in love who did not see ten times as much in his sweet-heart as I did". A NATURAL CONCLUSION.—" What is this I hear, Lily ? Your governess has been complaining of your conduct." Then you had better send her away, ui-xmiua, for hav- ing brought me up so badly." A green-looking chap hailed ti-e driver of a Putney omnibus as he was crossing Trafalgar-square, with Goin' to the Bank ?' Y,- -s,' said J-Iiu, -iniag up his horses. Well, so I thoiiglit,' responded the gawky, and paaaud quietly on. OUR VILLAGE IXSTTTUTE SOIREE:.—Roctor's wife (hysterically) Here's a note come from those Wag- shaws They ask me to play and eiug during the even- hig; because, they say—they want the young and -attractive women to assist as waitresses (Tableau).— Punch. AGGP,IE-,ED !-P(,nipus parent (indignantly to small boy who, after gettin into hot water, is arguing witn the "author of his being").—"Recollect I'm Y,3iti- father, sir!" Small boy (in surpriss): "Surely you're not going to make me 'sponsible for that too ?" Alo&n- shinc. Henry (preparing for the country) 'There ought to be, room in one of the crunks for my things. I got you ftu:. Considerate Wife 'You forget, dear, that my -six dresses take a trunk each. But I did not forget you, Here is a nice little satchel you cn have &li to yourself. Wbeaa I have put these few things in it. Recently M. Flcuquet, in the French Chamber, apos- trophising General Boulangsr, said :At your age Napolean was already deiid." A day or two ago a Boulangist deputy, apostrophising M, Floquet, ex- claimed :-H At your age Robespierre was already guillotined." THE DOCTORS Pr:?r.EN.—During one of the battles in Mexico, a French officer was wounded severely in the thigh, and for four or five days several mrgeonT, were engaged attempting to discover the ball. Their sounding gave him excruciating pain, Ou the fifth day he could bear it no longer, and cried to the surgeons, Gentlemen, in Heaven's name, what are you about?' '-r:'iù are looking for the ball.' Mon Dieu why didn't yeusay so at first? It k in my waistcoat pocket.' John." said Mrs" Hawkins, as they were going home from church, why did the minister call the dove that brought bMk a green twig to the ark- 'be?' "I don't know," Teplied John unless that it was that if: the dove had been a female she couldn't have kept her mouth closed long enough to get the bough to tne ark;" and there was ill-feeling in that household all the rett of the dav. HIS MOURNFUL A^IVEESAKV.—An annuity of about zUI43 was bequeathed to tha bellringers of Bath Abbey by Lier.t.-Colonel ")rovide.d that they should muffle the clappers of the beJls of the said abbey and ring them with doleful accentuation from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. on each anniversary of his wedding-day and during the same num- her (;f'hotirs,!onlv nitl, a merry peal, on the anniversary of the day which released him 'from domestic tyranny and wretchedness. Doctor: Yen hrtd better remain indoors for another week. Fair Patient- Oh, I can't think of it, doctor I have so many calls" to make and so much shopping to do. What are symptom-Doctor Well, for one thing, I see -itidicitit)ns,)f a night reddening at the tip d the nose. Fair Patient: Oh, goodness, doctor! I'll stay in two "weeks I'll do anything you say. It IF not difficult to concoct a pretty speech, but true gallantry combined with wit is needed in making one Which shall contain as much delicacy as flattery. Yoil forget that I am an old woman," said a lady, in response to an admiring remark from one of the eld school." Madam," was the reply, when my eyes are dazzled by a diamond it never occurs to me to ask a mineralogist for its history." Horace ■ Walpole, in dining with the Duchess of Qupensborough, on her eightieth birthday, said, in proposing her health, "May you live, Lady Duchess, until you begin to grow ugly." Her-ladyship's "tongue was as rcf.dy as his own. "I thank you, Mr *Walptsle," he replied, and may you long continue your taste:fer antiquities." The small boy sneaked across the Roar, With iiteps an light as air His smiling face no traces bore Of sorrow or of care But ere lie reached the closet doorjl To snatch the dainties there, His mother's palpitating paw Was fastened to his hair. A èGOOD HOUSEWIFE. I can tell her By her cellar, CleaaJy shelves and whitened will; I can guess her *'By"her dresser, By the back staircase and hall, And with pleasure "Take her measure 13y the way she keeps her broooasa And by peeping ,ikt the keepizig Of her back and unseen rooms ""By her kitchen's air of neatces#, -By its general completeness, 'V^here in cleanliness and sweetness The rose of order blooms.

£ iAMPM?ER THE ASSIZE TOWS…

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}LONDON GOSSIP.

COUNTY COUNCIL NEWS.

A CAREER OF CRIME.

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'THE WELSH COUNCILS.

SECESSION OF ODDFELLOWS.

[No title]

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HAY, BRlSCONSHIRE.

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